Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

I figured, being in Florida, I'd have to quote Buffett sooner or later. Some highlights, lowlights, and Pro Tips from Monday at Tootsy's: * I measured and roughly sketched up Kaylee's tattoo. Very excited about this. * The manager taking away a dancer's cell phone smacks of Jr High, if we had cell phones when I was in Jr High... I remember having pagers taken away though! * Surprise Flan is better than Surprise Buttsex. * There is an art to Making It Rain. Paper money doesn't have much weight to it around here, so you have to toss it JUST right, or else you're looking like an idiot while you pick up the money (that you tried to give the hot chick) from the floor. Meanwhile she's waiting to leave the stage, and the other customers are doing the ol' Point And Laugh. * You might want to stop the drugs and drinking if, when on the spinning pole, you have to flag down a customer to spin you. Just sayin... * Getting spanked with money doesn't have to hurt....

Eh, sometimes. On Sundays, because I rarely work, I am all about cheering on My Jets. I totally have My green & white on. I was raised on NFL (amongst other sports) so yeah, right on! Mondays however... not so much. Mondays are My designated Door Wenching nights. Football and strip clubs, in My experience, are strange bedfellows. Either the club is a ghost town and tips suck, or the customers have their eyes glued to the flat screens and not the titties and again... tips suck. Once Upon A Time, at a club I worked at 3 years ago, I had a rather WTF REALLY? experience thanks to NFL + strip club. At this particular club in question, they had a secondary stage that was quite small compared to the main stage. It was a short runway, with a huge flat screen TV at the back of it. Customers could sit at either side of the stage. Nothing really weird about the set up, IMHO... but one time, during a football game which happened to be playing on said television, I was on this mini stage. Ther...

(I would like to thank Google for the images in this post. None of them are Mine, nor do they depict anyone who was actually at the scene of the fashion crime) So, The Jay and I hit up the Thrill Kill Kult/Lords Of Acid show yesterday. Much win. But it was such an... odd mix of fashion there, I'm a bit confused. What happened to dressing for an occasion? A show such as this brings to mind the following: I wasn't expecting to see Business Casual, PTA Baribe, or a herd of Club Paris folks. WTF? Really? Even a half-assed, Hot Topic effort would have been nice. Maybe I've become an elitist Bitch? I hope so.

No. No you can't. It really slays me how often and how quickly "Can I watch?" comes out of mouths in response to the idea of a woman being with another woman. Don't get Me wrong, I dig some hot Girl On Girl action in porn and art and in books. I am an equal opportunity pervert. But seriously guys? If you hit on a chick and she says that she's already committed to a woman and/or she is only into chicks, why would you just blurt out "CAN I WATCH? HYUCK!" ? A lot of you wouldn't do that if the chick's response to your amorous advances was "I am already fully committed to a wonderful dude" . Granted, some of you would. But what your voyeuristic preferences are is not in question here. What really puts a bee in My butt is how easily some of ya'll demand to watch something that, in the case of My personal relationships, is not an open arena sort of thing. I don't sell tickets when it comes to sleeping with the person I am committed ...

On Monday nights, at Tootsy's, I'm the Door Wench. I sit at the front door of the club, check ID's, and handle cash. Make change, charge admission (only for the under 21 crowd, Mondays are free otherwise), and take the bar fees from the dancers. Simple shit, despite some drama from time to time. Primary objective? Make sure the 18 - 20 year olds pay, get arm bands, and have heir hands marked. Also, chase away the under 18 jackasses. Fine. Not a hard thing to do overall. WELL! Tonight a kid came in with a Florida ID that had him at being 22. Yeah, he had a baby face, but that happens. Hell, most folks think I'm in my early 20s. Fine. Looked fine, had the hologram, the secondary photo, etc. Kid gets in. Cool. He asks what the drink specials are. Rather common question from the 21+ folks. Not very common for the underagers. They're usually "HUR HUR BEER". Later on, while my manager was standing next to me chatting, another kid comes into the foyer. He looks ...

Once upon a time, an animation went viral on the interwebs, like they do. It amused me. Yeah, the animation was cute, but it was the song that got Me. I ended up using it when I danced, which was fun as shit. The lyrics just taunted the men watching. I still use it from time to time! I also love to dedicate it to the humiliation junkies that tend to flock to Me. Hur hur. It suits them. It's nothing new by now, but it popped up on My Itunes just now, so I was inspired to share.

A while ago, on MFDS, a rather... verbose submissive male approached Me. He really never shut up, but I chalked that up as enthusiastic... But he talked and talked and talked... and that's all he did. Ugh. It was a verbal wank-fest. Needless to say I haven't talked to him in months, after telling him off for being a huge time waster. But he sure does love to IM Me... Sheesh. You currently appear offline to Mr Dave. Mr Dave: hello, Goddess Mr Dave: How are you today Mr Dave: So, you are being sexy at work? Mr Dave: Hello Mr Dave: Hello, Goddess Mr Dave: Hello Mr Dave: How are you Mr Dave: I havent seen you in a while Mr Dave: How are you Mr Dave: Hey, how are you doing? Mr Dave: I can't stop thinking of being your bitch Mr Dave: Hope your doing ok Mr Dave: How do I please you? Do you have a way I can send you a money pak? Mr Dave: Hello Mr Dave: How are you Mr Dave: I hope your doing good Mr Dave: I will be gone for a bit, but I do hope you a wonderful evening Mr Dave: Do yo...

Alas, by Full Moon I mean that lovely object in the night sky... So a guy came in today, and put a dollar in my tip bucket and said "here, this will help you get that tattoo removed!" ... My response was "Well at least it will cost me less than the procedure you're gonna need to save up for to get a bigger dick." Really... WTF was the point of insulting the woman who is going to LET YOU INTO THE TITTY BAR? Maybe his fetish is cockblocking himself before he even gets into the room with the women he has no chance with. Who knows! But that was just part of the Full Moon Madness that struck us at Tootsy's Cabaret this fine night. 99.99999999999% of the dancers tonight were INSANE. Drunks, lunatics, obsessives, floozies, and morons. I had one girl ask me, FOR FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT, if she had REALLY paid her house fee. She had. 20 minutes earlier. It would have all been more tolerable if the tips hadn't sucked like Hoover's hooker neice outside of a bowli...

"Big Boobs = Fat. Okay? Skinny women cannot have big boobs unless they're implants or whatever. Point being; Large breasted women aren't usually popular, as they are usually overweight, take myself for example." Oh dear, sweet, crispy, Christ.