Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

There is something about nudity that breaks the brain. That numbs the senses. That turns people kinda stupid.   Not all people, but enough to make the pattern quite noticeable.   One such nudity-induced derp is the inability to recognize a stripper when they have their Civilian Clothes on.     No, seriously... It happens to Me all of the time.   It's like some sort of Superman Syndrome.     Change Clark Kent's attire and no one knows who he is? Really?   Put jeans and a tee shirt on a stripper and people draw a blank? Jeebus...     Yeah yeah... I know. "But Paige, dudes at strip clubs aren't looking at your face LOL!" but really... they are. Most of the customers that I've entertained over the years have made excellent eye contact. Am I unusually blessed? I really don't think so.   When I'm at a strip club, I LOVE to People Watch. Strip clubs are amazing venues for such an activity. Add to that the 19.5...

When I saw these, first I had flashbacks of bearskin rugs and their fake teeth and tongues. Then my brain went to Nerdland. If the centre of the platform is hollowed out like that, wouldn't they be less likely to hold Me up? Would the mouth snap? Hmmm.

So I was heading to Tootsy's to work this past weekend, and there was a lot of condensation on the back windshield of My car. I rummaged through said car, looking for a paper towel or something that would help remove the water, but all I had was My bag of work clothes. So I yanked out a pair of Jenni boy shorts that I rarely wear but always take, and wiped the windshield down. Best chamois ever. Neon pink with neon yellow lace. I'm sure My neighbors were more confused than they usually are. I think I'm gonna market shammies in fun colors now. Teeheehee.

Are ya'll ready for another product review? Today's review is for a dress from BodyKandi.com . They have a gorgeous, and user-friendly website, and good prices! I was quite excited to peruse their wares. I ended up choosing this dress , with plans to use it for one of My UV parties at Tootsy's. I wasn't 100% positive that the ribbons would react under black light, but I was willing to give it a shot, and the dress is simple enough that adding to it wouldn't be an issue. Here is what it looks like on the model: I emailed back and forth with Shannon, who was a total sweetie, and the dress arrived in good time. Perfect timing, actually, for the event! This was how the dress arrived in the mail, complete with a nice note from the company! Very nice of them to do so :D Here's the dress, fresh out of the packaging: It came laced up with the pink ribbons, and had the green ribbons separately packaged. It also came with a matching thong. The thong is small on Me, low in...

Shopping when you're a stripper is an evolved animal. New qualities, new attitude. Suddenly you look at a bra or thong in new light. Not only do you judge look, comfort, and price, but now you also take into consideration if it will be for work and/or play, how easy it'll be to get off on stage, and if it suits/matches outfits already in your locker. You like that new shade of Healthy Stimulated Clitoris pink nail polish, but will it glow under the black lights? Will it chip off of your toe nails due to your 7 inch heeled Maryjanes? The perfume counter at TJ Nickels has a lovely variety, but which do you like AND will inspire a boner on random strangers? Hell even food shopping can be changed by becoming a stripper. "Oooh I love me some artichoke dip but I can only eat that on Wednesdays cause it's my day off and artichokes give me wicked gas!" We also can't exclude how the cashier at Burger World or Shirtopia look at us when we pay for our purchases (no matte...

I recently had the grand pleasure of ordering from Sin City Playwear . They have some seriously sexy lingerie , so how could I resist? I decided to go with the Stretch Velvet Kimono Mini Dress for Hallows. I've seen the outfit around on the interwebs and I've always liked the look of it. This is what the promo pic looks like: Now yes, My geeky inner voice shouted "NOT A KIMONO!!" but this should, in no way, reflect on Sin City. This title was given to the outfit by it's creators, not the companies that sell it. So My beloved costume/AZN aficionados, resume breathing now, k? Onward!! Whoever handles the orders and shipping at Sin City is/are champs. Serious champs. I hope they get lots of appreciative sex. Seriously. The outfit arrived so fast, I looked up from My office's mailbox to check for Superman. Holy speedy delivery! Major kudos there. I also had a great customer service experience via email. Alison sent numerous emails to Me, updating Me on status and ...

I often wonder about the future of the stripper shoe. Yep. I dedicate actual brain power to this. What can I say? I love stripper shoes. I love how they look (with some exceptions of course), I love how sexy I feel when wearing them. I love the extra height, the extra curve definition they give Me. They're an important part of My job. An essential part of the "uniform". So where have we gone over the years? The classic pump with the slender, stick heel and the non existent platform was the thing. You didn't need stores specifically for strippers. You could get your heels just about anywhere that sold women's shoes. At some point, the heel gained some height again, and this time the platform was born to keep up with said heel. Clear heels? And platforms? Women were NOT going to wear this to work, if work meant an office, a bank, a store... No no no... these were SPECIFICALLY stripper heels. So now we had to evolve, to change our behavior in order to get the preciou...

Happy Valentine's Day ya'll! Here's what I'm wearing to work for the event LOL you can't go wrong with roses!

Strip club lockers are like dryers. Shit gets lost. Socks, garters, body spray... it ends up falling into some void in the back of the damned locker. In some other universe, there is a black, black void. In this black void floats all the missing stripper gear. A single pink fishnet thigh high floats by. A rogue thong zooms past your head. It's like Peter F. Hamilton sat in a Victoria's Secret dressing room and wrote a novel about it. You will give up hope on that limited edition pink lip gloss and go through your mourning period. You will move on to a new shade, because deep down in your heart you know that Placid Pussy Pink would want you to move on and find happiness. After months with Melodious Mauve, what happens? The Void spits your beloved lost gloss back out and you have to go to couples counseling with both shades. Or you can go strip in Utah and keep them both. Maybe start a lip gloss harem. It's so common that it becomes totally normal shit to hear a stripper squ...

XXXmas boobies! Ho ho ho ya'll! Hope you have a groovy holiday, or just a groovy day if holidays aren't your thing!

Vincent got caught with My XXXmas outfit. I hope he wasn't gonna run around town in holiday drag...

I love My fancy-schmancy shirt. I wish I could find the pants that went with it. It was one of the first outfits I had bought when I worked at Xpressions, LOL... so I've had it since the beginning of My illustrious stripping career!

I love My teams, SO much. I'd love to rock logo stuff at work. So look at the awesomeness I've found! I could get a Yankees bra ! But do I want white or black? Or both? Put that with these ... And then I could get some Jets sets just like those. Bra and thong . Alas, that site doesn't have NHL stuff! Victoria's Secret has these undies , but nothing to match them. At least, nothing I can use at work/for shoots. Hmm... what else? There's an official NY Rangers bikini , but it's full back, not thong. Alas... Same for My Jets ... But OMG this is sexy as fuck ! This rocks too . Holy shit. And a corset outfit . Sweet! Mmmmm sexy Jets gear! Win! The downside? That person doesn't seem to have NHL or MLB stuff. Hmm...

A few photos from the Naughty School Girl party at Tootsy's the other weekend! Enjoy! :D I hope to get some more for ya'll soon!

Kiss My plaid! Rockin a sexy new skirt for the recent Naughty School Girl Party at Tootsy's. We all looked smexy, but alas, the party wasn't lucrative.

I have yet to work at a club that will allow Me to sport these bad boys without a thong underneath LOL. So I usually rock a nude-colored one. Sometimes a hint isn't enough ;)

Welcome to the dressing room at Tootsy's. Like My pink? ;) It's funny, I used to hate all things pink. Now I rock it rather well.

I will never stop loving fishnet and fencenet. Ever. And since I've been on a pink kick, this has been a fun outfit to wear on stage and on camera.

Replaced My most super awesome boots, with major help from an awesome friend. Here's one of the new ones next to one of the scuffed up, torn, glued together, re-glued, re-re-glued old ones LOL

I don't have too many pictures of Myself at Tootsy's, so I had a lovely coworker snap one real quick before I went on stage.