Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

Happy Caturday y'all. Whilst My Twitter has met a reasonable person's limit of cat pics, that's not why I'm here.   Today I'm here to tell you about the brain breaking experience that I was blessed with earlier today.     Browsing the Gates Of Heaven, AKA the cold soda selection at the gas station, My ears picked up on some teenage girls rambling on and on and on... About how amazing Miley Cyrus looked recently. They were molesting one of the girls' phone with their glassy little eyeballs. I suppose My watching them during a Cannot Even moment was obvious, because they stampeded over to My spot in front of carbonated nirvana, and proceeded to force Me to look at above mentioned Miley images. Mayhaps I look youthful enough to care, or mayhaps they assume that anyone equipped with a vagina cares, but they wanted My opinion on Miley's attire choices.   Correction... They wanted Me to echo their opinions on said attire. Alas, this was not meant to be! Th...

Today's strippery topic is Farting. Yes.... farting. Gas. Tooting. Letting it rip. Yes, strippers fart. Why am I bringing this to light? Because I recently received an email asking if it's hard to hold it all in until AFTER work. AAAAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAAAA!!!! No, really. Hold it on? All shift? Not gonna happen. Hell, we aren't THAT mysterious and magical. Ok maybe we are but we fart at work. Trust me. Some girls might choose to let them out in the bathroom or dressing room.... But there will always be those who will use farts as weapons. Yep. Cheap, rude dipshits sitting at the stage? You might get gassed for being said cheap, rude dipshits. Or if a hated coworker is up on stage after a Fart-weilding lass, there might be some Crop Dusting done on stage right as the last song ends... But yes, Terry from North Texas... we fart (somewhere) at work.

So this sad looking chick got onto the bus today and started just losing her shit. Either she was a super newb stripper, a tweaker stripper, or just a classless stripper. Maybe it was a case of D) all of the above... She got up on the bus and started declaring to all, "DON'T YOU MOTHERFUCKERS LOOK AT ME! I'M A STRIPPER MOTHERFUCKERS!! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS GOTTA PAY TO LOOK AT ME!!!" As a friend once said, "oh honey noooooo." I laughed loudly when she got the boot off of the bus. Bitch only lasted one stop.... Man I miss there being more classy, clued in strippers....

I often dream about stripping. I have yet to delve into whether or not that is a good thing. The one thing that all of the stripping dreams have in common is that they are supposed to take place where I am currently working, but the club interior never looks right. Sometimes it's grand and better looking. Sometimes it isn't. Take the last two dreams for instance... In one, Tootsy's looked more like an old saloon. Lots of wood and a rustic feel to it. The stage, however... this I just don't have an explanation for. It was built more like the stage at the Fickle Filly out on Long Island. Plain, built into the wall like an alcove, and no pole. Barely room to walk around. The odd part? The stage floor was made out of mattresses. Yeah. Mattresses. Try fumbling around on those in heels! WTF. In the dream I had today, I was in this fancy club. The stage had tiers, and each tier had a pole or two, a fainting couch, and other swanky decor. The customers all had on tuxedos and go...

So bored without My whole PC. Still unable to do 365 posts. Still unable to use My webcam. LAME! LAME I SAY! So welcome to a (probably boring) make up post. I snagged some new eye shadows from Sally's when I went on a quest for Hair Bleaching Implements. The first eye shadow is Femme Couture's Mineral Effects Baked Eye Color in Lotta Latte . The image that Sally's uses is a bit off. They used a VERY bright light IMHO the color isn't that pale. It's a little... darker. It's a cooler brown, not quite taupe but... and it has a hint of a pale, icy rose pink to it. Add to that a bit of fine gold glitter and POW! It's lovely. It is, however, a daytime or bright light kinda color. It's not very dark against My skin. It wouldn't show up well in the nudie bar.I do love it though. It's very pretty. The next eye shadow is from Sally Girl. The color is called Black Brown , but I think whoever named it was on crack. Doesn't look even close to black to M...

Eh, sometimes. On Sundays, because I rarely work, I am all about cheering on My Jets. I totally have My green & white on. I was raised on NFL (amongst other sports) so yeah, right on! Mondays however... not so much. Mondays are My designated Door Wenching nights. Football and strip clubs, in My experience, are strange bedfellows. Either the club is a ghost town and tips suck, or the customers have their eyes glued to the flat screens and not the titties and again... tips suck. Once Upon A Time, at a club I worked at 3 years ago, I had a rather WTF REALLY? experience thanks to NFL + strip club. At this particular club in question, they had a secondary stage that was quite small compared to the main stage. It was a short runway, with a huge flat screen TV at the back of it. Customers could sit at either side of the stage. Nothing really weird about the set up, IMHO... but one time, during a football game which happened to be playing on said television, I was on this mini stage. Ther...

Oh internets, how you make Me make this face so often. All the berjillions of instances of WTFery. At this point I'm surprised more people, Myself included, aren't walking around with this look permanent on our faces. Oh, and Coke Zero is the breakfast of champions.