Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

On Monday nights, at Tootsy's, I'm the Door Wench. I sit at the front door of the club, check ID's, and handle cash. Make change, charge admission (only for the under 21 crowd, Mondays are free otherwise), and take the bar fees from the dancers. Simple shit, despite some drama from time to time. Primary objective? Make sure the 18 - 20 year olds pay, get arm bands, and have heir hands marked. Also, chase away the under 18 jackasses. Fine. Not a hard thing to do overall. WELL! Tonight a kid came in with a Florida ID that had him at being 22. Yeah, he had a baby face, but that happens. Hell, most folks think I'm in my early 20s. Fine. Looked fine, had the hologram, the secondary photo, etc. Kid gets in. Cool. He asks what the drink specials are. Rather common question from the 21+ folks. Not very common for the underagers. They're usually "HUR HUR BEER". Later on, while my manager was standing next to me chatting, another kid comes into the foyer. He looks ...

Time for some Strip Club Customer Fail. The first is surprisingly common. That's just all kinds of dissapointing. The latter? Pathetic. Seriously full of Fail. 1) Going to a strip club with no money. No cash, no plastic. Nothing. Nada. Zippo. Zilch. It's especially mind boggling when these dudes are going to an unfamiliar club. One that may have a cover charge and/or a drink minimum... which is really common practice . Really guys? Did you honestly climb out from under a boulder 5 minutes prior to arriving at My place of work? Do you really think that strip clubs are the place to be if you are broketastic? 2) This one a fellow dancer, Alexis, told Me this past Monday... The DJ announced 2 for 1 shots. Alexis was sitting with a customer out on the floor. Alexis: "Hey, 2 for 1 shots! Wanna do a shot?" Customer: "Sure! You buy yours and I'll do the freebie!" Alexis: "Are you shitting me?!?!?!" I facepalm every time I think about this. What kind...

Once upon a time, a bit over a year ago, a fresh-faced, young lil stripper chick walked into our lives at Tootsy's. Lana was tiny, young, hyper, and expressive. I admit, I had a crush on the inked, silly, tiny Blasian girl who could work the pole like no one's business. She would climb up onto My lap, talk at Me about everything, and make Me smile. She would write Me poems. She would steal My gum. I'd get random lap dances and serenades. Unfortunately, as it can happen now and then, she got hung up with the Wrong Girls. The girls who feed the stereotypes of stripperdom. It started with doing drugs. Now, that isn't something I automatically frown upon, but it wasn't just a Here And There thing. The use got worse, then it went into selling, and then into dirty dancing, and eventually into hooking. It broke My heart to see someone with such promise and life turn into someone so faded and used up. And she was only 20 years old. Gone was the girl I got all twitterpated o...

Clearly, I had forgotten completely how much it hurts The Day After Dancing. Especially when one has taken off a few hundred years. Can I blame being blawnd, despite it being bottled? Just this once? I swear, every inch of My body is sore. I am in dire need of the most epic massage ever. Hell even My hair hurts. Anyone know hair massage? I'm about to have a long, steamy date. With My bathtub and a bottle of Eucalyptus/Spearmint bubble bath . And I sure wouldn't argue with you if you sent Me more... I might end up needing it in bulk!