Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

Fuck yer gold rings. I'll take a brass pole over the gold rings any day! Back by popular demand, a parody I came up with some years back. I won't write out the WHOLE DAMN SONG, so you just get the list. Feel free to show it around, but please give me some props for the lyrics ;) The 12 Days of Stripmas is © Moi dammit. Don't make Me kick you. 12 strippers stripping (duh) 11 drunkards drinking 10 folded dollars 9 losers groping 8 bitches bitching 7 cheap asses staring 6 inch stilettos FIVE MORE SHOTS 4 purple bruises 3 stolen thongs 2 lines of coke and half my money goes to the bar!

Christmas isn't the only time for holiday lights. These I keep up all year.

We at the nudie bars believe that full moons = weirdos. It might be a general bar belief... who knows. It's jus been rare, in My experience, to find a bar worker who didn't believe it. Well! Tonight was a full moon AND a lunar eclipse. Jesus fuck Me running it was double nuts. It was 8 shades of crazy. It's still NFL season, so Mondays are usually Ghost Town Central. Not tonight. A bachelor party, a birthday party, just lots more customers than usual. One fight broke out with two guys who were definitely drunk but possibly also high functioning autistic. One of the two was a VERY large man, and when 6 people had to forcibly take him out of the club, it didn't go over well. I could tell he was scared, and his friend was very confused. I felt horrid about the whole thing. The club was very tense all night. Lots of drunks. Lots of irritated personalities. At the end of the night, two very nice young ladies came in. They didn't say much to anyone. All they did was hand ...

The view of the XXXmas tree from My favorite spot at the bar... by the touch screen game! LOL

I'm dreaming... of a strip club Xmas... o/` Happy hollerdays from Tootsy's Cabaret!

Amazon limits the number of items on a wish list. So I am not on Wish List #3 . I'm adding holiday stuff! :D

Back by popular demand, a parody I came up with some years back. I wont write out the WHOLE DAMN SONG, so you just get the list. Feel free to show it around, but please give me some props for the lyrics ;) 12 strippers stripping (duh) 11 drunkards drinking 10 folded dollars 9 losers groping 8 bitches bitching 7 cheap asses staring 6 inch stilettos FIVE MORE SHOTS 4 purple bruises 3 stolen thongs 2 lines of coke and half my money goes to the bar!

I took O Christmas Tree, and stripper-fied it. This parody is © Me, Myself, and PDW INC. O Nudie Bar! O nudie bar! Thy smell is so unchanging; O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy smell is so unchanging; Not only stale with lots of beers, But also sprays and cigs and tears. O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy smell is so unchanging! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Much headaches thou can'st give me; O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Much headaches thou can'st give me; How often has the nudie bar Afforded me the biggest pain! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Much headaches thou can'st give me. O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy stage lights shine so brightly! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy stage lights shine so brightly! From stage to pole, painf'ly bright, There's only strobes half the night. O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy stage lights shine so brightly! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! How poorly dudes have tipped me! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! How poorly dudes have tipped me! Thou bidst us sober and classy be, A...

When insomnia remembers that I'm her* BFF, decides to come over with ENTHUSIASM , and plants her fat ass on My lap, I tend to waste time with something fun and mindless. Window shopping. Or in the case of this wondrous, marvelous, far out age of computers ... Wish lists! And I might as well pad up the ol' list a bit anyways. It's less than a month until Christmas AND My birthday! So today I'm adding movies. I spent 8 years managing a movie store, so now I feel a bit behind on what is entertaining. And I USED to have a movie review blog. I'd like to revive it. Sexy Chick Talks Movies! News at 11! (someday that will be small compared to My collection) And to address the eventual comments such as: "Oh look at you with your nudity and your wish lists! Aren't you just a greedy whore!" Well... No, no not really... though there is a fetish for it! I love to shop. I love to collect. I ALSO love to gift to My friends, loved ones, and charities. Greed = shopping...

Beyond the previously blogged about XXXmas tree shoot... I have some other ideas. Ideas that need attire and props. So this post is 1 part brainstorming, and 1 part asking for some generous shoppers to assist the projects. Yeah, call it gimmie gimmie all you want. So ready for the ideas? I'm VERY excited about these.... A Fall/Autumn/Harvest idea. I'm going to need to get a few of these . One to make a wreath/crown to wear. Once to wear around My breasts. One to barely cover the pink bits. And I want to do a whole other shoot, doing the same idea but with these . And also, with these . So we're going to need a few sets of each. For these shoots, I want to do some of them with clothes on, and some nude. For the clothing I was thinking something like this . I'd also like to do a generalized Winter theme. A Winter Goddess? Maybe. So for Me to wear I'd need this dress . The garlands I need are this , this , this , this , and this . Getting the right amounts of the garla...

It may come across to some as... off, but every year I get emails asking what I want for Christmas and My birthday, so every year I post about it. I'll give you a few days to get over it. So the easiest thing for Me to do would be to link to My main wish lists: Here. And here. If browsing super huge lists of crap is too much, the easy route would be gift cards. Gift cards are always awesome. I'm always YAAAAAAY for gift cards from Sephora, MAC cosmetics, Walmart, Verizon, Claire's, ABC liquor, and/or Zynga games.

For a while now, I've been brooding over a video/photo shoot. I want to bind someone in holiday lights and garland, and cover them in clothespins. I want to hang holiday ornaments on the clothespins. I think it would be hilarious and quite fun. A human Xmas tree! Fun and excitement! But there are issues... Finding someone who can handle all the clothespins. Said person has to be able to stand still for a while. Said person has to be willing to be on DVD/on print. Space to shoot in. Photographer that I can afford. Yeah so... MAYBE this holiday, maybe in time for next...