Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

Some establishments have dress codes. Some are just the choice of the owners, some are common sense. Like you don’t wear a ball gown to work at Arby’s. Like you don’t wear a bikini to a 4 star restaurant. Like you don’t wear jeans to the gym. Speaking of the gym… hey guys? Can you wear your gym clothes to the gym, but not to the titty bar? I know sweats and jogging pants are comfy and shit like that, but seriously? I DON’T WANT TO FEEL YOUR PENIS ON MY THIGH. This blog post is for both types of Gym Clothes Customers. 1st we have the dude who honestly doesn’t know that it’s creepy, gross, and skeevy to get lapdances while wearing gym clothes. There’d be less friction if I stuck a whisk up My cooter. Seriously. Kitchen utensils violating My uterus would be 100 times better than feeling your erection through polyester. Write this shit down because there WILL be a pop quiz. PS: I can’t speak for every chick out there who doesn’t hate the dick, but I personally think that any dude that wea...

An instance where beating someone with the STFUGTFO stick is a reasonable reaction: When a guy's intro to wanting to buy a dance from you is “Yeeeaaaahhhh.... I married a stripper once. So you know I am SO all about rockin the pussy! Let's dance!” That's supposed to be encouraging, how? Oh, but it gets better... when you decline he tries to taunt you with “Well, I guess I'll just go spend this ten dollars elsewhere huh?” You do that, assbag. No one here cares that, once upon a time, a woman in the same line of work as us had to put up with you. Not our problem. Not our concern. If we did give a shit, we’d be spending an awful lot of our hard earned cash on condolence cards for all of these women we hear so much about. And why should it matter that your ex was a stripper? Does that magically enhance your manliness and prowess? Does that give you +7 Stud? Is it better than having married a bank teller or a chef? Is that an upgrade from, perhaps, the cashier at Burger King...

I arrived to work yesterday to find out that there had been some cut backs to save money. Less bouncers, less door girls. My spot as Monday Night Door Wench is secure, since I don't get paid to do it. But less bouncers? Yeah. We had no issues Monday, but no bouncer on Monday is not awesome. Sometimes, shit DOES happen on Monday. Ugh. Ok yeah we have the manager and the DJ if anyone needs help but... I prefer 3 Big Dudes instead of 2. The manager can do his thing, the DJ can do his, and we'd still have security. Bleh! We had one girl who was dancing in the VIP room and was... ew. The guy's hand on her ass looked like he was using her as a bowling ball, if you catch My drift. Gross. She's such a skank. But the idea of using skanky strippers as bowling balls is LULZ. One girl has been having a lot of home issues. She commented that she felt silly that Tootsy's was the only place she felt safe to turn to. Part of Me acknowledges that one needs more solid folks/places in...