Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

I arrived to work yesterday to find out that there had been some cut backs to save money. Less bouncers, less door girls. My spot as Monday Night Door Wench is secure, since I don't get paid to do it. But less bouncers? Yeah. We had no issues Monday, but no bouncer on Monday is not awesome. Sometimes, shit DOES happen on Monday. Ugh. Ok yeah we have the manager and the DJ if anyone needs help but... I prefer 3 Big Dudes instead of 2. The manager can do his thing, the DJ can do his, and we'd still have security. Bleh! We had one girl who was dancing in the VIP room and was... ew. The guy's hand on her ass looked like he was using her as a bowling ball, if you catch My drift. Gross. She's such a skank. But the idea of using skanky strippers as bowling balls is LULZ. One girl has been having a lot of home issues. She commented that she felt silly that Tootsy's was the only place she felt safe to turn to. Part of Me acknowledges that one needs more solid folks/places in...

Another Funday Monday at Tootsy's, starring yours truly... the fabulous door wench. Er, wait no. No... not really. My night & My tip bucket ended up getting cockblocked by a spider bite. Ow. I'm just sittin there, minding My own business (and the business of whoever is on stage or walkin in the door) when OWDAMMIT! >. A bit later it's burning pain + chills + freezing + nausea. Cute. Very sexy. So I was allowed to exit early, saving some face. Now I'm home and I feel like I got hit by the Flu Truck. Hoping a nice dose of Doctor Visit tomorrow will help. I don't need another Recluse Fiasco* And not only did I make minimal tips, I saw minimal stuff to snark on. The only thing being that booty clap + classic rock = hur dur, but to do it non stop, for 2/3 of Silver, Blue & Gold ? Wha?!?! No. Just, no. * - The morning before I was to go back to NYC from SoCal, I was bit by a Brown Recluse. I spent 3 days/nights on a bus with flu-like symptoms and pain. DISLIKE.

We at the nudie bars believe that full moons = weirdos. It might be a general bar belief... who knows. It's jus been rare, in My experience, to find a bar worker who didn't believe it. Well! Tonight was a full moon AND a lunar eclipse. Jesus fuck Me running it was double nuts. It was 8 shades of crazy. It's still NFL season, so Mondays are usually Ghost Town Central. Not tonight. A bachelor party, a birthday party, just lots more customers than usual. One fight broke out with two guys who were definitely drunk but possibly also high functioning autistic. One of the two was a VERY large man, and when 6 people had to forcibly take him out of the club, it didn't go over well. I could tell he was scared, and his friend was very confused. I felt horrid about the whole thing. The club was very tense all night. Lots of drunks. Lots of irritated personalities. At the end of the night, two very nice young ladies came in. They didn't say much to anyone. All they did was hand ...

I figured, being in Florida, I'd have to quote Buffett sooner or later. Some highlights, lowlights, and Pro Tips from Monday at Tootsy's: * I measured and roughly sketched up Kaylee's tattoo. Very excited about this. * The manager taking away a dancer's cell phone smacks of Jr High, if we had cell phones when I was in Jr High... I remember having pagers taken away though! * Surprise Flan is better than Surprise Buttsex. * There is an art to Making It Rain. Paper money doesn't have much weight to it around here, so you have to toss it JUST right, or else you're looking like an idiot while you pick up the money (that you tried to give the hot chick) from the floor. Meanwhile she's waiting to leave the stage, and the other customers are doing the ol' Point And Laugh. * You might want to stop the drugs and drinking if, when on the spinning pole, you have to flag down a customer to spin you. Just sayin... * Getting spanked with money doesn't have to hurt....

The rule still applies, Mondays might be shitty money nights, but they are NEVER boring. Tonight was a zany blend of drunksitting, skank drama, and decent money. One young dude spent a good deal of cash throughout the club. I must have made change for his $50s and $100s perhaps 7 or 8 times. Champagne and vodka bottles were ordered. Money rained a few times. It was nice to see that sort of action on a Monday. The NFL Curse* has been shite this year. A girl I have always disliked left in tears. I wasn't upset about it. Another girl and her wasted husband fought a bit right next to me. Sometimes I hate being stuck at the door. Can't run away from drama. Why is it that people will blurt the most stupid shit ever when trashed? Not so much WTF stupid, but Why Are You Mentioning Criminal Activity Loudly kinda stupid. Derp of the Night: "Naw man, I didn't get fucked up in here. I only had one drink in here. All the weed, pills, and coke I did...? I did those before I got her...

Another round of Monday Night Tumbleweeds.... thank you NFL! I arrived at Tootsy's at 6:45pm, and proceeded to get sucked into a debate about seating in a limo. LOL. Fevered brain = uh... huh? I loafed about at the VIP end of the bar a while, gabbing with Kaylee and sippin some booze. Got to emit love at Aenea as I always do on Mondays. At one point, a man in a wheel chair wheeled his happy ass ALL the way across the bar to where we were sitting JUST to tell us that the Meaning Of Life is "sex, drugs and rock N role HAR HAR HAR" before he wheeled away. We kinda had a .... moment. For sure. Despite my fever, sore throat, cough... I manned the door like the champ I am. The money sucked, and it was basically a ghost town all night. Again, thank you NFL... A run down of the customer highlights for the evening: * A small group of late 50-early 60something guys. Very cool dudes. Best tippers of the evening for Me. One of them kept wandering back over to the door to lament that ...

Monday nights at Tootsy's tend to be slow thanks to NFL but... sometimes I make an effort to get with the mood. Go Jets!