Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

Ok I really wish a doctor could tell Me why I have the most fucky random cravings but without the pregnancy (I KNOW that I'm a medical circus but I'd love some... yanno... research?) . I spent a good portion of My adulthood sad about not being able to have kids before I was given a medical reason for why I cant. But I never found out why My body just lobs food needs at Me like a drunken psycho. It's not a medical emergency. It's not really a medical probelm. It's just annoying.   Like 4am rolls around and sudenly I want:   Chicken wings but only the kind from a Chinese buffet     Disco Fries! No squeaky, chew toy poutine. DISCO FRIES.     A triple order of hash browns from Waffle House. Each order needs to be smothered, covered, chunked, diced, and capped.   For those who are new to the gloriousness of Waffle House Hashbrowns, let me break down the terminology:   Smothered: Onions Covered: Cheese Chunked: Ha...

Here we see the rare, North American Intelligus Hotticus in her den. She only comes out in the daytime when it is closer to sunset, for this is the best time for her to feed. She frequently prowls for local sushi, or the elusive curried goat. Tonight we caught a glimpse of her grazing at the local salad bar. So majestic!

Remember how I once said I am not dainty when I eat? Yeah, how about some more proof? Here I am fuckin up some Blue Crabs during an All You Can Eat thing. I live for those types of things. Hah! And of course, I'm rockin the Playboy gear as usual!

Yes, more sushi. OM NOM NOM NOM. I'm on a serious kick lately. Must. Have. More.

I have never been a dainty eater. I've got manners, but I don't rock the dainty, tiny portions of food. Especially with sushi. Sushi is My comfort food. I'd eat it every day. I used to! When I still lived out on Long Island, I'd eat it EVERY day. Have it delivered to Xpressions, My home, etc. Tonight I had some delivered. The poor folks at the restaurant assumed it was for several people, so they stocked Me up on chop sticks LOL. Here's a peek into what it's like eating sushi with Me: Gotta start with a seaweed salad! Here we have a Tanzana roll (hamachi, asparagus, scallion, avocado, masago) and a Beauty & the Beast roll (1/2 is tuna, scallions, avocado, asparagus, masago, the other half is eel, scallions, avocado, asparagus, masago): And this is a Kiss roll (Tuna, white tuna, avocado, scallion, asparagus, masago) and a Califoria roll:

Oh internets, how you make Me make this face so often. All the berjillions of instances of WTFery. At this point I'm surprised more people, Myself included, aren't walking around with this look permanent on our faces. Oh, and Coke Zero is the breakfast of champions.

Here's a Protip for ya'll: If you wanna grow up big and strong and sexy, you have to eat yer veggies!

I recently received some amazing chocolates from France, including some Knock You Over, booze-filled delights. Oh em eff gee, did I ever nom them with a fierceness! It was the highlight of this year so far, that's for sure!