Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

The internet has emboldened some serious asshats. Now, they have the Anonymity Backbone to email/post/IM/PM random women and ask the age old question... "Wanna fuck?" And the resounding "no!" that is generated by millions of women across the globe? I believe that energy is harnessed and used to keep the interwebs going. No, really. So this post us dedicated to all ya'll dudes that think it's clever to ask us chicks such a STUPID question. You wanna fuck? Ok lemme tell ya when that's gonna happen! We're gonna fuck: When My vagina detaches itself from My body, becoming sentient, and decides it has a thing for creepy random dudes. When I give up on the rational fear of STDs. Rational fear never matches My favorite shoes anyway. When My only other options for intercourse partners are the weird homeless dude that looks like Einstein , Dr Cox , and an ostrich (he really exists!) had a collision of reproductive DNA, and a wild pig. (welcome to Florida, fol...

I figured, being in Florida, I'd have to quote Buffett sooner or later. Some highlights, lowlights, and Pro Tips from Monday at Tootsy's: * I measured and roughly sketched up Kaylee's tattoo. Very excited about this. * The manager taking away a dancer's cell phone smacks of Jr High, if we had cell phones when I was in Jr High... I remember having pagers taken away though! * Surprise Flan is better than Surprise Buttsex. * There is an art to Making It Rain. Paper money doesn't have much weight to it around here, so you have to toss it JUST right, or else you're looking like an idiot while you pick up the money (that you tried to give the hot chick) from the floor. Meanwhile she's waiting to leave the stage, and the other customers are doing the ol' Point And Laugh. * You might want to stop the drugs and drinking if, when on the spinning pole, you have to flag down a customer to spin you. Just sayin... * Getting spanked with money doesn't have to hurt....

The rule still applies, Mondays might be shitty money nights, but they are NEVER boring. Tonight was a zany blend of drunksitting, skank drama, and decent money. One young dude spent a good deal of cash throughout the club. I must have made change for his $50s and $100s perhaps 7 or 8 times. Champagne and vodka bottles were ordered. Money rained a few times. It was nice to see that sort of action on a Monday. The NFL Curse* has been shite this year. A girl I have always disliked left in tears. I wasn't upset about it. Another girl and her wasted husband fought a bit right next to me. Sometimes I hate being stuck at the door. Can't run away from drama. Why is it that people will blurt the most stupid shit ever when trashed? Not so much WTF stupid, but Why Are You Mentioning Criminal Activity Loudly kinda stupid. Derp of the Night: "Naw man, I didn't get fucked up in here. I only had one drink in here. All the weed, pills, and coke I did...? I did those before I got her...

On Monday nights, at Tootsy's, I'm the Door Wench. I sit at the front door of the club, check ID's, and handle cash. Make change, charge admission (only for the under 21 crowd, Mondays are free otherwise), and take the bar fees from the dancers. Simple shit, despite some drama from time to time. Primary objective? Make sure the 18 - 20 year olds pay, get arm bands, and have heir hands marked. Also, chase away the under 18 jackasses. Fine. Not a hard thing to do overall. WELL! Tonight a kid came in with a Florida ID that had him at being 22. Yeah, he had a baby face, but that happens. Hell, most folks think I'm in my early 20s. Fine. Looked fine, had the hologram, the secondary photo, etc. Kid gets in. Cool. He asks what the drink specials are. Rather common question from the 21+ folks. Not very common for the underagers. They're usually "HUR HUR BEER". Later on, while my manager was standing next to me chatting, another kid comes into the foyer. He looks ...

A while ago, on MFDS, a rather... verbose submissive male approached Me. He really never shut up, but I chalked that up as enthusiastic... But he talked and talked and talked... and that's all he did. Ugh. It was a verbal wank-fest. Needless to say I haven't talked to him in months, after telling him off for being a huge time waster. But he sure does love to IM Me... Sheesh. You currently appear offline to Mr Dave. Mr Dave: hello, Goddess Mr Dave: How are you today Mr Dave: So, you are being sexy at work? Mr Dave: Hello Mr Dave: Hello, Goddess Mr Dave: Hello Mr Dave: How are you Mr Dave: I havent seen you in a while Mr Dave: How are you Mr Dave: Hey, how are you doing? Mr Dave: I can't stop thinking of being your bitch Mr Dave: Hope your doing ok Mr Dave: How do I please you? Do you have a way I can send you a money pak? Mr Dave: Hello Mr Dave: How are you Mr Dave: I hope your doing good Mr Dave: I will be gone for a bit, but I do hope you a wonderful evening Mr Dave: Do yo...