Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

Fuck yer gold rings. I'll take a brass pole over the gold rings any day! Back by popular demand, a parody I came up with some years back. I won't write out the WHOLE DAMN SONG, so you just get the list. Feel free to show it around, but please give me some props for the lyrics ;) The 12 Days of Stripmas is © Moi dammit. Don't make Me kick you. 12 strippers stripping (duh) 11 drunkards drinking 10 folded dollars 9 losers groping 8 bitches bitching 7 cheap asses staring 6 inch stilettos FIVE MORE SHOTS 4 purple bruises 3 stolen thongs 2 lines of coke and half my money goes to the bar!

The internet has emboldened some serious asshats. Now, they have the Anonymity Backbone to email/post/IM/PM random women and ask the age old question... "Wanna fuck?" And the resounding "no!" that is generated by millions of women across the globe? I believe that energy is harnessed and used to keep the interwebs going. No, really. So this post us dedicated to all ya'll dudes that think it's clever to ask us chicks such a STUPID question. You wanna fuck? Ok lemme tell ya when that's gonna happen! We're gonna fuck: When My vagina detaches itself from My body, becoming sentient, and decides it has a thing for creepy random dudes. When I give up on the rational fear of STDs. Rational fear never matches My favorite shoes anyway. When My only other options for intercourse partners are the weird homeless dude that looks like Einstein , Dr Cox , and an ostrich (he really exists!) had a collision of reproductive DNA, and a wild pig. (welcome to Florida, fol...

Since some jerkoff on Facebook decided to report My amazing booteh pics, I'm forced to post them here, and here alone for the time being. So without further adieu... ass pics!

Back by popular demand, a parody I came up with some years back. I wont write out the WHOLE DAMN SONG, so you just get the list. Feel free to show it around, but please give me some props for the lyrics ;) 12 strippers stripping (duh) 11 drunkards drinking 10 folded dollars 9 losers groping 8 bitches bitching 7 cheap asses staring 6 inch stilettos FIVE MORE SHOTS 4 purple bruises 3 stolen thongs 2 lines of coke and half my money goes to the bar!

On Monday nights, at Tootsy's, I'm the Door Wench. I sit at the front door of the club, check ID's, and handle cash. Make change, charge admission (only for the under 21 crowd, Mondays are free otherwise), and take the bar fees from the dancers. Simple shit, despite some drama from time to time. Primary objective? Make sure the 18 - 20 year olds pay, get arm bands, and have heir hands marked. Also, chase away the under 18 jackasses. Fine. Not a hard thing to do overall. WELL! Tonight a kid came in with a Florida ID that had him at being 22. Yeah, he had a baby face, but that happens. Hell, most folks think I'm in my early 20s. Fine. Looked fine, had the hologram, the secondary photo, etc. Kid gets in. Cool. He asks what the drink specials are. Rather common question from the 21+ folks. Not very common for the underagers. They're usually "HUR HUR BEER". Later on, while my manager was standing next to me chatting, another kid comes into the foyer. He looks ...

Once upon a time, an animation went viral on the interwebs, like they do. It amused me. Yeah, the animation was cute, but it was the song that got Me. I ended up using it when I danced, which was fun as shit. The lyrics just taunted the men watching. I still use it from time to time! I also love to dedicate it to the humiliation junkies that tend to flock to Me. Hur hur. It suits them. It's nothing new by now, but it popped up on My Itunes just now, so I was inspired to share.

A while ago, on MFDS, a rather... verbose submissive male approached Me. He really never shut up, but I chalked that up as enthusiastic... But he talked and talked and talked... and that's all he did. Ugh. It was a verbal wank-fest. Needless to say I haven't talked to him in months, after telling him off for being a huge time waster. But he sure does love to IM Me... Sheesh. You currently appear offline to Mr Dave. Mr Dave: hello, Goddess Mr Dave: How are you today Mr Dave: So, you are being sexy at work? Mr Dave: Hello Mr Dave: Hello, Goddess Mr Dave: Hello Mr Dave: How are you Mr Dave: I havent seen you in a while Mr Dave: How are you Mr Dave: Hey, how are you doing? Mr Dave: I can't stop thinking of being your bitch Mr Dave: Hope your doing ok Mr Dave: How do I please you? Do you have a way I can send you a money pak? Mr Dave: Hello Mr Dave: How are you Mr Dave: I hope your doing good Mr Dave: I will be gone for a bit, but I do hope you a wonderful evening Mr Dave: Do yo...