Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

When I saw these, first I had flashbacks of bearskin rugs and their fake teeth and tongues. Then my brain went to Nerdland. If the centre of the platform is hollowed out like that, wouldn't they be less likely to hold Me up? Would the mouth snap? Hmmm.

Fuck yer gold rings. I'll take a brass pole over the gold rings any day! Back by popular demand, a parody I came up with some years back. I won't write out the WHOLE DAMN SONG, so you just get the list. Feel free to show it around, but please give me some props for the lyrics ;) The 12 Days of Stripmas is © Moi dammit. Don't make Me kick you. 12 strippers stripping (duh) 11 drunkards drinking 10 folded dollars 9 losers groping 8 bitches bitching 7 cheap asses staring 6 inch stilettos FIVE MORE SHOTS 4 purple bruises 3 stolen thongs 2 lines of coke and half my money goes to the bar!

Shopping when you're a stripper is an evolved animal. New qualities, new attitude. Suddenly you look at a bra or thong in new light. Not only do you judge look, comfort, and price, but now you also take into consideration if it will be for work and/or play, how easy it'll be to get off on stage, and if it suits/matches outfits already in your locker. You like that new shade of Healthy Stimulated Clitoris pink nail polish, but will it glow under the black lights? Will it chip off of your toe nails due to your 7 inch heeled Maryjanes? The perfume counter at TJ Nickels has a lovely variety, but which do you like AND will inspire a boner on random strangers? Hell even food shopping can be changed by becoming a stripper. "Oooh I love me some artichoke dip but I can only eat that on Wednesdays cause it's my day off and artichokes give me wicked gas!" We also can't exclude how the cashier at Burger World or Shirtopia look at us when we pay for our purchases (no matte...

I often wonder about the future of the stripper shoe. Yep. I dedicate actual brain power to this. What can I say? I love stripper shoes. I love how they look (with some exceptions of course), I love how sexy I feel when wearing them. I love the extra height, the extra curve definition they give Me. They're an important part of My job. An essential part of the "uniform". So where have we gone over the years? The classic pump with the slender, stick heel and the non existent platform was the thing. You didn't need stores specifically for strippers. You could get your heels just about anywhere that sold women's shoes. At some point, the heel gained some height again, and this time the platform was born to keep up with said heel. Clear heels? And platforms? Women were NOT going to wear this to work, if work meant an office, a bank, a store... No no no... these were SPECIFICALLY stripper heels. So now we had to evolve, to change our behavior in order to get the preciou...

lyrics by Jack Johnson Insomnia is practically sprawled out on My comfy bed, snacking on bonbons, and reading trashy gossip rags. I swear it. Stupid cunt. So what am I doing? Yep. More wishlisting. It's only fitting anyways. My birthday has less than 3 weeks to go! Today I've added brocade slippers, purses, robes, and dresses. I've added comfy soft slippers, funky shoes, and Hello Kitty stuff. And most importantly, I've added incense and new burners. Scents are very important to Me, so I need to be constantly stocked with incense LOL. If I dont have some burning, or at least a scented spray on My pillows? Even when exhausted I can't sleep. Old wishlist , still has tons of stuff on it. Newer list with the newest additions.

Awesome sneakers are awesome. Alas, they didn't have them in My size, so they're a lil snug. Worth it though!

Replaced My most super awesome boots, with major help from an awesome friend. Here's one of the new ones next to one of the scuffed up, torn, glued together, re-glued, re-re-glued old ones LOL

Oh how I do fucking love these boots. Alas, they are so beat and worn... I need a new pair of them :( Any regulars from the old IR2 days will recognize them. They were handed down to Me from the mighty, mighty Viper. Heehee. I miss that woman!

I am obsessed with Marilyn. I have a Marilyn theme in My living room and man, when it's finished... Woooha! I've been plotting a Marilyn Monroe costume for some time now. Something breakaway for performing on stage, but still looks whole for shoots. Here's a refresher course: I'm going for her pink look in Gentlemen, like thus: Here. Here. Here. Of course, there are costume companies that churn out a cheap knockoff in bulk, but I want a custom one, and like I said, I want it breakaway. I'd be chopping the skirt of it up to mid-thigh, toning the back bow down a bit (maybe make it as wide as My ass but, not much past it!) I think, since so many photos and clips from the film show so many shades of pink, I'd like to go with something not quite... this dark . More like the shade used in the promo art , if I can. As long as I can get matching gloves. Then I need to snag the rhinestones, since acquiring that many diamonds is so very unrealistic LOL. I'd need to ge...

My super awesome hinting skills are super awesome. c__c; This is Applesauce, the official Bar Ferret. Applesauce Ghost likes My custom heels so much, she uses them to zzzzzzzzzzz on.