Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

I often dream about stripping. I have yet to delve into whether or not that is a good thing. The one thing that all of the stripping dreams have in common is that they are supposed to take place where I am currently working, but the club interior never looks right. Sometimes it's grand and better looking. Sometimes it isn't. Take the last two dreams for instance... In one, Tootsy's looked more like an old saloon. Lots of wood and a rustic feel to it. The stage, however... this I just don't have an explanation for. It was built more like the stage at the Fickle Filly out on Long Island. Plain, built into the wall like an alcove, and no pole. Barely room to walk around. The odd part? The stage floor was made out of mattresses. Yeah. Mattresses. Try fumbling around on those in heels! WTF. In the dream I had today, I was in this fancy club. The stage had tiers, and each tier had a pole or two, a fainting couch, and other swanky decor. The customers all had on tuxedos and go...

I took O Christmas Tree, and stripper-fied it. This parody is © Me, Myself, and PDW INC. O Nudie Bar! O nudie bar! Thy smell is so unchanging; O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy smell is so unchanging; Not only stale with lots of beers, But also sprays and cigs and tears. O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy smell is so unchanging! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Much headaches thou can'st give me; O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Much headaches thou can'st give me; How often has the nudie bar Afforded me the biggest pain! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Much headaches thou can'st give me. O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy stage lights shine so brightly! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy stage lights shine so brightly! From stage to pole, painf'ly bright, There's only strobes half the night. O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy stage lights shine so brightly! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! How poorly dudes have tipped me! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! How poorly dudes have tipped me! Thou bidst us sober and classy be, A...

Eh, sometimes. On Sundays, because I rarely work, I am all about cheering on My Jets. I totally have My green & white on. I was raised on NFL (amongst other sports) so yeah, right on! Mondays however... not so much. Mondays are My designated Door Wenching nights. Football and strip clubs, in My experience, are strange bedfellows. Either the club is a ghost town and tips suck, or the customers have their eyes glued to the flat screens and not the titties and again... tips suck. Once Upon A Time, at a club I worked at 3 years ago, I had a rather WTF REALLY? experience thanks to NFL + strip club. At this particular club in question, they had a secondary stage that was quite small compared to the main stage. It was a short runway, with a huge flat screen TV at the back of it. Customers could sit at either side of the stage. Nothing really weird about the set up, IMHO... but one time, during a football game which happened to be playing on said television, I was on this mini stage. Ther...