Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

So I was heading to Tootsy's to work this past weekend, and there was a lot of condensation on the back windshield of My car. I rummaged through said car, looking for a paper towel or something that would help remove the water, but all I had was My bag of work clothes. So I yanked out a pair of Jenni boy shorts that I rarely wear but always take, and wiped the windshield down. Best chamois ever. Neon pink with neon yellow lace. I'm sure My neighbors were more confused than they usually are. I think I'm gonna market shammies in fun colors now. Teeheehee.

Some establishments have dress codes. Some are just the choice of the owners, some are common sense. Like you don’t wear a ball gown to work at Arby’s. Like you don’t wear a bikini to a 4 star restaurant. Like you don’t wear jeans to the gym. Speaking of the gym… hey guys? Can you wear your gym clothes to the gym, but not to the titty bar? I know sweats and jogging pants are comfy and shit like that, but seriously? I DON’T WANT TO FEEL YOUR PENIS ON MY THIGH. This blog post is for both types of Gym Clothes Customers. 1st we have the dude who honestly doesn’t know that it’s creepy, gross, and skeevy to get lapdances while wearing gym clothes. There’d be less friction if I stuck a whisk up My cooter. Seriously. Kitchen utensils violating My uterus would be 100 times better than feeling your erection through polyester. Write this shit down because there WILL be a pop quiz. PS: I can’t speak for every chick out there who doesn’t hate the dick, but I personally think that any dude that wea...

Are ya'll ready for another product review? Today's review is for a dress from BodyKandi.com . They have a gorgeous, and user-friendly website, and good prices! I was quite excited to peruse their wares. I ended up choosing this dress , with plans to use it for one of My UV parties at Tootsy's. I wasn't 100% positive that the ribbons would react under black light, but I was willing to give it a shot, and the dress is simple enough that adding to it wouldn't be an issue. Here is what it looks like on the model: I emailed back and forth with Shannon, who was a total sweetie, and the dress arrived in good time. Perfect timing, actually, for the event! This was how the dress arrived in the mail, complete with a nice note from the company! Very nice of them to do so :D Here's the dress, fresh out of the packaging: It came laced up with the pink ribbons, and had the green ribbons separately packaged. It also came with a matching thong. The thong is small on Me, low in...

Shopping when you're a stripper is an evolved animal. New qualities, new attitude. Suddenly you look at a bra or thong in new light. Not only do you judge look, comfort, and price, but now you also take into consideration if it will be for work and/or play, how easy it'll be to get off on stage, and if it suits/matches outfits already in your locker. You like that new shade of Healthy Stimulated Clitoris pink nail polish, but will it glow under the black lights? Will it chip off of your toe nails due to your 7 inch heeled Maryjanes? The perfume counter at TJ Nickels has a lovely variety, but which do you like AND will inspire a boner on random strangers? Hell even food shopping can be changed by becoming a stripper. "Oooh I love me some artichoke dip but I can only eat that on Wednesdays cause it's my day off and artichokes give me wicked gas!" We also can't exclude how the cashier at Burger World or Shirtopia look at us when we pay for our purchases (no matte...

I recently had the grand pleasure of ordering from Sin City Playwear . They have some seriously sexy lingerie , so how could I resist? I decided to go with the Stretch Velvet Kimono Mini Dress for Hallows. I've seen the outfit around on the interwebs and I've always liked the look of it. This is what the promo pic looks like: Now yes, My geeky inner voice shouted "NOT A KIMONO!!" but this should, in no way, reflect on Sin City. This title was given to the outfit by it's creators, not the companies that sell it. So My beloved costume/AZN aficionados, resume breathing now, k? Onward!! Whoever handles the orders and shipping at Sin City is/are champs. Serious champs. I hope they get lots of appreciative sex. Seriously. The outfit arrived so fast, I looked up from My office's mailbox to check for Superman. Holy speedy delivery! Major kudos there. I also had a great customer service experience via email. Alison sent numerous emails to Me, updating Me on status and ...

Could it be? The finale for the 365 Project? YES! We made it! Everyone should read really good stuff. These are like textbooks, IMHO. Welcome to Tootsy's! Hur hur, the stripper isle at Walmart? Best nappin place ever? A bit of Azn style! Holy fuck where'd the hairs go? Yep, chopped it all off, for the first time in TWENTY years. Giving My poor hairs a fresh start. Om nom nom cherries. RIP Jani Lane . Check dem lil hairs! Keepin the red around a while I think. And there you have it! A year of images, free of charge, not so free of fun.

Getting so close to the end of this project! Almost at 365! :D :D So here's some more. Smoochin my Wife No. 1 My boss at Tootsy's... rockin the staff shirt for My UV parties! Glowing FTW! I love rockin the UV gear at My parties! Too bag this pink wig glows orange, and not pink. But it still looks badass! My new, super comfy, super ghey shorts! Back to brown hairs, so not used to it! Givin Wesley a smoo Love Me some Pokemanz! Betsey is the best dice kitteh ever. Love this simply headband, it's like a mini tiara! I love the colors in My eyes :D New wig! Ahhhh I love the smell of new faux hairs!

More updating goodness for ya'll! Rockin a very bright bloo shirt from work. Lub Me some Tootsy's tank tops. Had a great makeup day here, wanted to share it. Yep, 2 phones cause that's how I roll LOL. Gods I do love this wig! Snageed this retro 80s shirt at a thrift store. Yum! Rose earrings. Roses are an obsession of Mine. I was one perky broad in this picture LOL

Yep, another Monday, another attempt at catching up. Boobies! My bewbs are stayin warm at night! Music makes My nipples hard... This is the only way I can be rated G Oops, My bikini string is twisted... Nuff said! Glitteratti Frosty eyes FTW