Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

I took O Christmas Tree, and stripper-fied it. This parody is © Me, Myself, and PDW INC. O Nudie Bar! O nudie bar! Thy smell is so unchanging; O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy smell is so unchanging; Not only stale with lots of beers, But also sprays and cigs and tears. O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy smell is so unchanging! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Much headaches thou can'st give me; O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Much headaches thou can'st give me; How often has the nudie bar Afforded me the biggest pain! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Much headaches thou can'st give me. O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy stage lights shine so brightly! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy stage lights shine so brightly! From stage to pole, painf'ly bright, There's only strobes half the night. O nudie bar! O nudie bar! Thy stage lights shine so brightly! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! How poorly dudes have tipped me! O nudie bar! O nudie bar! How poorly dudes have tipped me! Thou bidst us sober and classy be, A...

"Man approaches the unattainable truth through a succession of errors." Let us chat, for a moment, about the unattainable. More so, about the invisible rule that people want what they cannot have. Let us discuss how rampant this rule runs in strip clubs. For every non-stripper job I have done in strip clubs, I've always done Myself up to look presentable. I may not have been the entertainment, but I was part of the appearance of the club. So yeah. I looked good at all times when working. Be it when I managed, waited tables, door wenched, house mommed, tended bar... the men would just flock to Me, demanding dances. Uh, sorry dudes... not the dancer. And they'd moan and groan, woe and angst. It's insane! They still do it when I'm the door wench at Tootsy's. This phenomenon is everywhere, from what I gather from my fellow strippers. If you aren't a stripper, or are a female customer, they want you BADLY . So badly. When you finally don the clear heels an...