Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

Another Funday Monday at Tootsy's, starring yours truly... the fabulous door wench. Er, wait no. No... not really. My night & My tip bucket ended up getting cockblocked by a spider bite. Ow. I'm just sittin there, minding My own business (and the business of whoever is on stage or walkin in the door) when OWDAMMIT! >. A bit later it's burning pain + chills + freezing + nausea. Cute. Very sexy. So I was allowed to exit early, saving some face. Now I'm home and I feel like I got hit by the Flu Truck. Hoping a nice dose of Doctor Visit tomorrow will help. I don't need another Recluse Fiasco* And not only did I make minimal tips, I saw minimal stuff to snark on. The only thing being that booty clap + classic rock = hur dur, but to do it non stop, for 2/3 of Silver, Blue & Gold ? Wha?!?! No. Just, no. * - The morning before I was to go back to NYC from SoCal, I was bit by a Brown Recluse. I spent 3 days/nights on a bus with flu-like symptoms and pain. DISLIKE.

I stumbled upon a lipstick I used to wear, and I couldn't remember why I stopped wearing it. The color is cute, the gloss it comes with is slick, and it's a long-lasting kinda stuff. I dig all that. It's Revlon's Colorstay in Perpetual Pink. So I wore it last night. Now I remember why I stopped using it. Because it takes a flail to get it off! Ow My mouth hurts :( I feel like I have a blowjob to a lemon-soaked Echinocereus.

Sometimes, when I have a hyper, silly moment... things get ranted about and rambled upon... that are just strange. Tonight, Viror and I discussed vehicle sex. And I don't mean like, Transformers porn. I mean like, fucking in a car. Countless rockers have written songs about carfucking. Nickleback did it. Meatloaf went on about it for about 8 and a half minutes about the subject. Motley Crue, Loggins & Messina (and then Poison revisited it), I could go on... and that's just rock music. Sheez. But WHY? I never found car sex to be all that awesome. I mean, there's a seat belt buckle digging into My back, the window against My feet is FRIGGIN COLD, My head keeps hitting the door. Fun times! Wait.. what? Or there's the chiropractors wet dream of Me doin it in the front seat, Gods forbid! My spine is packing it's bags just by Me blogging this now. Sweet crispy christ! People make jokes about it. Songs are sung about it. It's portrayed in movies and videos. But am ...

Alas, due to things that make Me say OW, I am home instead of at Tootsy's. No Boobquaking for Me. But I hope the Quake is epic for everyone else.

Clearly, I had forgotten completely how much it hurts The Day After Dancing. Especially when one has taken off a few hundred years. Can I blame being blawnd, despite it being bottled? Just this once? I swear, every inch of My body is sore. I am in dire need of the most epic massage ever. Hell even My hair hurts. Anyone know hair massage? I'm about to have a long, steamy date. With My bathtub and a bottle of Eucalyptus/Spearmint bubble bath . And I sure wouldn't argue with you if you sent Me more... I might end up needing it in bulk!