Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

I love Karma. And this is not going to be a discussion about any of the girls I've danced with who used that name. No, this is about the Real Deal. Karma. I consider Myself to be honest about a lot of things that some other dancers aren't honest about. If you accidentally tip Me a $50 instead of a $5, I will give it back to you. That's just how I am. Once, a girl dropped 14 $100 bills on the floor at the IR2. I gave it all back to her. I got some flack for that from other dancers. They would have kept it! Not Me... if I had been the one to lose My cash, I'd be SO thankful for it's return. Likewise if I tipped a $50 by accident. Dark clubs don't help eye sight. But anyways. A while back, several Mondays ago, was a case of Karma AND of the rare occasion that I won't hand back that big bill... There was this 20something douche of a dude in the bar. He had been there most of the day, drinking. By late night he was a Royal Asshat. He was pissing off the dancers, ...

This is what you missed yesterday at Tootsy's! I hope everyone had a lovely Valentine's Day/Singles Awareness Day.

I arrived to work yesterday to find out that there had been some cut backs to save money. Less bouncers, less door girls. My spot as Monday Night Door Wench is secure, since I don't get paid to do it. But less bouncers? Yeah. We had no issues Monday, but no bouncer on Monday is not awesome. Sometimes, shit DOES happen on Monday. Ugh. Ok yeah we have the manager and the DJ if anyone needs help but... I prefer 3 Big Dudes instead of 2. The manager can do his thing, the DJ can do his, and we'd still have security. Bleh! We had one girl who was dancing in the VIP room and was... ew. The guy's hand on her ass looked like he was using her as a bowling ball, if you catch My drift. Gross. She's such a skank. But the idea of using skanky strippers as bowling balls is LULZ. One girl has been having a lot of home issues. She commented that she felt silly that Tootsy's was the only place she felt safe to turn to. Part of Me acknowledges that one needs more solid folks/places in...

Another Funday Monday at Tootsy's, starring yours truly... the fabulous door wench. Er, wait no. No... not really. My night & My tip bucket ended up getting cockblocked by a spider bite. Ow. I'm just sittin there, minding My own business (and the business of whoever is on stage or walkin in the door) when OWDAMMIT! >. A bit later it's burning pain + chills + freezing + nausea. Cute. Very sexy. So I was allowed to exit early, saving some face. Now I'm home and I feel like I got hit by the Flu Truck. Hoping a nice dose of Doctor Visit tomorrow will help. I don't need another Recluse Fiasco* And not only did I make minimal tips, I saw minimal stuff to snark on. The only thing being that booty clap + classic rock = hur dur, but to do it non stop, for 2/3 of Silver, Blue & Gold ? Wha?!?! No. Just, no. * - The morning before I was to go back to NYC from SoCal, I was bit by a Brown Recluse. I spent 3 days/nights on a bus with flu-like symptoms and pain. DISLIKE.

We at the nudie bars believe that full moons = weirdos. It might be a general bar belief... who knows. It's jus been rare, in My experience, to find a bar worker who didn't believe it. Well! Tonight was a full moon AND a lunar eclipse. Jesus fuck Me running it was double nuts. It was 8 shades of crazy. It's still NFL season, so Mondays are usually Ghost Town Central. Not tonight. A bachelor party, a birthday party, just lots more customers than usual. One fight broke out with two guys who were definitely drunk but possibly also high functioning autistic. One of the two was a VERY large man, and when 6 people had to forcibly take him out of the club, it didn't go over well. I could tell he was scared, and his friend was very confused. I felt horrid about the whole thing. The club was very tense all night. Lots of drunks. Lots of irritated personalities. At the end of the night, two very nice young ladies came in. They didn't say much to anyone. All they did was hand ...

A proper Door Wench is trained in the art of guarding. So what could be better than having Guard Tits?

Never been to Tootsy's? Or just never when I'm the gracious Door Wench? Here's what you'd be greeted by if you showed up!

My PC has been revived, restored, and reopened for business! So now to play a little game of Catch Up on this here 365 project. First up, here I am at My guard post at Tootsy's... the front door. I'm up in yer nudie barz, checkin yer IDz. The red lighting is a pain in the ass, but it's how it goes at the front door. This photo shows what My tips SHOULD be like. Often. It was a good night that night LOL so behold, My tip cups: If you haven't heard yet, I am in the process of taking My hair from Black light Blonde to white. Yes, you heard Me right. White. Because I wanna have some Make You Stare, super sexy Jean Harlow hairs . The shampoo and conditioner I use to get the yellow out of My hair is purple. Sometimes it makes My hair look like an Easter egg. LULZ. This is the current state of My hairs. Somewhat white in some areas. The roots and length in the back are being stubborn. Here I am, chillin at the PC tonight. All wrapped up in a comfy hoodie. Esche, the Kitler, is...

I figured, being in Florida, I'd have to quote Buffett sooner or later. Some highlights, lowlights, and Pro Tips from Monday at Tootsy's: * I measured and roughly sketched up Kaylee's tattoo. Very excited about this. * The manager taking away a dancer's cell phone smacks of Jr High, if we had cell phones when I was in Jr High... I remember having pagers taken away though! * Surprise Flan is better than Surprise Buttsex. * There is an art to Making It Rain. Paper money doesn't have much weight to it around here, so you have to toss it JUST right, or else you're looking like an idiot while you pick up the money (that you tried to give the hot chick) from the floor. Meanwhile she's waiting to leave the stage, and the other customers are doing the ol' Point And Laugh. * You might want to stop the drugs and drinking if, when on the spinning pole, you have to flag down a customer to spin you. Just sayin... * Getting spanked with money doesn't have to hurt....

Sleepy Door Wench is sleepy. *HEART* My glitter, though!

Random cell phone pic of Moi at Tootsy's after we've closed. Say hi to the DJ in the background!

The rule still applies, Mondays might be shitty money nights, but they are NEVER boring. Tonight was a zany blend of drunksitting, skank drama, and decent money. One young dude spent a good deal of cash throughout the club. I must have made change for his $50s and $100s perhaps 7 or 8 times. Champagne and vodka bottles were ordered. Money rained a few times. It was nice to see that sort of action on a Monday. The NFL Curse* has been shite this year. A girl I have always disliked left in tears. I wasn't upset about it. Another girl and her wasted husband fought a bit right next to me. Sometimes I hate being stuck at the door. Can't run away from drama. Why is it that people will blurt the most stupid shit ever when trashed? Not so much WTF stupid, but Why Are You Mentioning Criminal Activity Loudly kinda stupid. Derp of the Night: "Naw man, I didn't get fucked up in here. I only had one drink in here. All the weed, pills, and coke I did...? I did those before I got her...

"Man approaches the unattainable truth through a succession of errors." Let us chat, for a moment, about the unattainable. More so, about the invisible rule that people want what they cannot have. Let us discuss how rampant this rule runs in strip clubs. For every non-stripper job I have done in strip clubs, I've always done Myself up to look presentable. I may not have been the entertainment, but I was part of the appearance of the club. So yeah. I looked good at all times when working. Be it when I managed, waited tables, door wenched, house mommed, tended bar... the men would just flock to Me, demanding dances. Uh, sorry dudes... not the dancer. And they'd moan and groan, woe and angst. It's insane! They still do it when I'm the door wench at Tootsy's. This phenomenon is everywhere, from what I gather from my fellow strippers. If you aren't a stripper, or are a female customer, they want you BADLY . So badly. When you finally don the clear heels an...

Ugh My PC doesn't want Me to be able to do ANYTHING. FML. So, pics! The first one is showing off what I wore whilst Door Wenching at Tootsy's on Monday night. Shiny! The 2nd image is just fun. Fun hair, fun facial shadows... fun!

Another round of Monday Night Tumbleweeds.... thank you NFL! I arrived at Tootsy's at 6:45pm, and proceeded to get sucked into a debate about seating in a limo. LOL. Fevered brain = uh... huh? I loafed about at the VIP end of the bar a while, gabbing with Kaylee and sippin some booze. Got to emit love at Aenea as I always do on Mondays. At one point, a man in a wheel chair wheeled his happy ass ALL the way across the bar to where we were sitting JUST to tell us that the Meaning Of Life is "sex, drugs and rock N role HAR HAR HAR" before he wheeled away. We kinda had a .... moment. For sure. Despite my fever, sore throat, cough... I manned the door like the champ I am. The money sucked, and it was basically a ghost town all night. Again, thank you NFL... A run down of the customer highlights for the evening: * A small group of late 50-early 60something guys. Very cool dudes. Best tippers of the evening for Me. One of them kept wandering back over to the door to lament that ...

Ribbit. XD I got these stickers from some of the team when they ventured into Tootsy's last Monday. They stuck a few into My tip bucket along with some cash. Real nice dudes. :)

Or is that Psycho Deviant? I'm never sure... When I arrived at Tootsy's Monday evening for My shift as your resident Awesome Door Wench , I got this overwhelming feeling that it was going to be a Strange Night. Not Monetarily Bad, or Violently Dramatic... Just... Strange. The pre-wenching was rather normal. I sat at the far end of the bar, feeding dollars into the touch screen machine that has claimed My soul. A nice, refreshing Malibu & Pineapple was sipped after My first 2 Diet Cokes of the night. I chattered with Kaylee and Aenea (My River whom I adore as her Inara), and My wifey, Sonyia. I had to break a few hearts by telling newbie customers that no, I wasn't dancing. Heh. The usual. But that feeling nagged at the back of My mind... 8pm rolled around and it was Door Wenching Time!!! *DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN* I stripped off My Playboy tee to reveal My... well, My Playboy bikini top (why ruin a good theme?). I adorned Myself in a rhinestone choker, rhinestone teardrop earr...

Monday nights at Tootsy's tend to be slow thanks to NFL but... sometimes I make an effort to get with the mood. Go Jets!

Here I am, at the far end of the bar at Tootsy's. Procrastinating... Sometimes it's MUCH more fun to play the touch screen game and drink instead of do the Door Wench thing. LOL!

I hate being sick. I become a big baby, I swear it! I want someone to feed me soup, brush My hair, and rub My shoulders. Hold My hand while I whine LOL! My cats are ok at the cuddly part, but they suck at fetching soup. I took Monday off from door wenching thanks to a fever of 101, aches, etc. Bleh! At this rate I might be out of commission all week, which is a pain in My wallet. If it gets any worse, I might be glued to My bed for a while, so the 365 photo project might be a Catch Up thing for a bit. Worst case scenario... I will post whatever days I miss in one post. I'll give stripping this, I don't need a doctor's note when I call out, and I wont get fired for it. And I'm sure some folks think "suck it up and work!" but really, who wants a lap dance from a contagious person? Ew. And smoke + breathing issues = DO NOT WANT.