Thursday, December 02, 2010

Come Monday, it'll be all right

I figured, being in Florida, I'd have to quote Buffett sooner or later.

Some highlights, lowlights, and Pro Tips from Monday at Tootsy's:

* I measured and roughly sketched up Kaylee's tattoo. Very excited about this.

* The manager taking away a dancer's cell phone smacks of Jr High, if we had cell phones when I was in Jr High... I remember having pagers taken away though!

* Surprise Flan is better than Surprise Buttsex.

* There is an art to Making It Rain. Paper money doesn't have much weight to it around here, so you have to toss it JUST right, or else you're looking like an idiot while you pick up the money (that you tried to give the hot chick) from the floor. Meanwhile she's waiting to leave the stage, and the other customers are doing the ol' Point And Laugh.

* You might want to stop the drugs and drinking if, when on the spinning pole, you have to flag down a customer to spin you. Just sayin...

* Getting spanked with money doesn't have to hurt. It's MONEY. It's TOTALLY ok if it doesn't hurt. If it does, that means its a LOT of money. Hopefully I can keep it after the spanking.

* Ever seen Dem Nipples? Nipples so long that they have a forwarding address? Yeah... um...

So those are the major parts of the night last Monday. Two others need more than just an asterisk.

The DJ has to inspire the lazy customers to clap sometimes. It's inevitable. When the time came on Monday, this is what happened:

DJ: "C'mon you guys! You know what to do!!"

Me: "Kill myself?"

Crowd and most of the dancers: *insert laughter here*

Yeah so dead Mondays make Me pessimistic...

The other mentionable moment was when a southern Floridian, who was in town visiting, decided to be loud and mouthy to the DJ when music he didn't like was played. Like the track list for the evening should revolve around JUST him...

Upon the end of the evening, when the customers were being herded out, this douche decided to bitch to Me:

Douchebag: "This club sucks! Your DJ sucks! It's SO much better in Miami!"

Me: "Well, ok dude. Just head south and you'll get there eventually. I'm sure they've missed you."

Douchebag: "What the fuck? Why would you say something like that? I'm a CUSTOMER!"

Me: "Yeah well, I love my club and yer being a douchebag. Plus, the club is now closed. So take your 28 year old self with the bad combover, shut the fuck up, and get the fuck out. Buh bye!"