Friday, December 16, 2011

Shawty got ass for days

Are we ready for more ass pictures? I'm sure we are!

Read a book! Read a book! Read a muh'fuckin book!

Someone asked me about what I read. Seemed like a fun project for images. I read a lot of crime suspense, especially those revolving around serial killers. I love Deaver, Reichs, and Harris.

I'm also into romance. Yes, literary smut. But I tend to stick to Paranormal Romance. If it has vampires, demons, witches, etc? I'm game. My favorites are Clamp & Adams, Showalter, and Kenyon. I got to meet Madame Kenyon at DragonCon this year. OMG I was a total fangirl. Turns out she digs strippers. YAY!
I'm also big into the Dresden Files and the Rachel Morgan series. Oh! And the Nightside series.

Beyond that I collect a lot of non fiction. Biographies on stars I adore, places, events, art/art history, and the occult. I have a MASSIVE ton of occult PDFs, alas... not the books. YET.

here are some recent finds at the library. Yay for $1 books!

Maybe I will post more book pics/info in other posts.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

12 Days of Stripmas (2011)

Fuck yer gold rings. I'll take a brass pole over the gold rings any day!

Back by popular demand, a parody I came up with some years back. I won't write out the WHOLE DAMN SONG, so you just get the list. Feel free to show it around, but please give me some props for the lyrics ;) The 12 Days of Stripmas is © Moi dammit. Don't make Me kick you.

12 strippers stripping (duh)
11 drunkards drinking
10 folded dollars
9 losers groping
8 bitches bitching
7 cheap asses staring
6 inch stilettos
4 purple bruises
3 stolen thongs
2 lines of coke
and half my money goes to the bar!

Friday, December 02, 2011

She smiles and it's dangerous, in a little black dress

Are ya'll ready for another product review?

Today's review is for a dress from They have a gorgeous, and user-friendly website, and good prices! I was quite excited to peruse their wares.

I ended up choosing this dress, with plans to use it for one of My UV parties at Tootsy's. I wasn't 100% positive that the ribbons would react under black light, but I was willing to give it a shot, and the dress is simple enough that adding to it wouldn't be an issue.

Here is what it looks like on the model:

I emailed back and forth with Shannon, who was a total sweetie, and the dress arrived in good time. Perfect timing, actually, for the event!

This was how the dress arrived in the mail, complete with a nice note from the company! Very nice of them to do so :D

Here's the dress, fresh out of the packaging:

It came laced up with the pink ribbons, and had the green ribbons separately packaged. It also came with a matching thong.

The thong is small on Me, low in the front, and low in the back. Not as tiny as some of the micro thongs I've worn on stage in the past, but still not super big. It'd probably cover more on a lady with less booty. It's a good thong though! Comfy and looks great on Me.

The package brought up one thing that I think ladies need to know:

The dress is SUPER short on Me. It'd be less so on someone with less ass, but it's still, most definitely, a Little Black Dress. It barely covered My ass. I wouldn't suggest it for anywhere that isn't tolerable of OMG ASS CHEEKS.

Here's the front on Me, with no bra:

The front didn't flatter My boobs. Whereas a bra would give more lift, it'd look silly behind the lace-up area on this. It cuts too low. I wonder if maybe one could use breast tape lifts to get more OOMF. Due to this and the shortness of the dress, I'd suggest this dress to someone with bigger boobs and a smaller ass than Myself.

Here's what the lacing looks like on the back:

It takes some tugging and adjusting to get it to not bunch up at the holes. It bunches more when you lace it up tighter. At this point I had it decently loose, and showing off some skin.

The ribbons, alas, were not super reactive to black light, as you can see, feel free to click on the image to get the full view:

Here are some pics of the outfit at the UV party, with more UV accents:

I told ya'll it was short lol! I had to tug it down a lot. It's a great lil dress though! Very comfy. I got a lot of compliments!

Body Kandi is an awesome site, and I will be shopping with them quite a bit in the future. I recommend them, highly!

Hope you can come up with the answers babe

Time for some more delicious Q&A, bitches!

Q1) What turns you on the most, during sex or even just during foreplay?

A1) Oooh baby! Great question!! Let's see...

Kissing, biting, or even breathing on My neck.

Ending a passionate kiss by nibbling on My lip.

Hair pulling for sure, but only from a naturally dominant male.

Light kisses on My wrists, shoulders, and the small of My back.

Licking My stomach, specifically between My navel and where the Landing Strip would be... if I didn't subscribe to Shaved Bald Weekly.

Q2) If you put your music on randomly, what would the playlist look like?

A2)I can show you! I took screen shots of a playlist today for ya'll. It's missing some country, Bhangra, and some ambient... but it's a decent representation of My tastes.

Q3)How many women in porn enjoy receiving oral in personal life?

A#) Well, I haven't the time nor resources to do a poll and ask every female porn star in the world but... I can take a guess, and base it on what I feel personally, and what I've heard from other stars...

There are probably about as many female porn stars who enjoy receiving oral, for fun, as there are in any other job. Sure, repetitive, emotionless sex can numb/burn out some chicks, but so can shitty sex/shitty Significant Others, so I don't think that the job description has TOO much to do with the ratio here. A lot of women in the industry enjoy what they do, and/or are able to separate Work Sex from Romantic Sex. I acknowledge that a few ladies have ended up with damaged girlie bits due to the job, but that % isn't enough to tip the scales in My opinion of this subject.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth

The internet has emboldened some serious asshats. Now, they have the Anonymity Backbone to email/post/IM/PM random women and ask the age old question...

"Wanna fuck?"

And the resounding "no!" that is generated by millions of women across the globe?

I believe that energy is harnessed and used to keep the interwebs going.

No, really.

So this post us dedicated to all ya'll dudes that think it's clever to ask us chicks such a STUPID question.

You wanna fuck? Ok lemme tell ya when that's gonna happen!

We're gonna fuck:

When My vagina detaches itself from My body, becoming sentient, and decides it has a thing for creepy random dudes.

When I give up on the rational fear of STDs. Rational fear never matches My favorite shoes anyway.

When My only other options for intercourse partners are the weird homeless dude that looks like Einstein, Dr Cox, and an ostrich (he really exists!) had a collision of reproductive DNA, and a wild pig. (welcome to Florida, folks)

When My crotch gives up on trying to convince Me to commit suicide and we settle for Insane Emotional Masochism.

When desperation becomes a high-value commodity. (I wanna be rich, bitch!)

When a freak viral outbreak causes all of the genitals on the planet to turn into Crisco... except yours and Mine. (Soooo glad I like baking...)

When I trade in My brain for whatever is behind Door Number Two. (A NEW CAAAARRRRRRR!!!!)

When I accidentally become encased in carbonite, except for My vagina. (Damn you, Vader!!)

When you and I are trapped in Thunderdome and My only other weapon is a bottle of Windex.

When Oded Fehr AND Jill Hennessy say that they'll marry Me, but only if I fuck you first.

When a zombie apocalypse occurs and the only way to create a super weapon to destroy them is to fuse our crotchal areas.

When they invent a brand of booze that not only gets one horrendously shitfaced and nukes inhibition, but also liquifies the frontal lobe of the brain.

Is that clarified for folks now?

She's a whooty... a white girl with a booty...

Since some jerkoff on Facebook decided to report My amazing booteh pics, I'm forced to post them here, and here alone for the time being. So without further adieu... ass pics!

Monday, November 14, 2011

I want your drama, the touch of your hand...

Today I found myself discussing romance twice.

The first time, a coworker and I debated the current health status of romance. She says that it's dead. I say it's usually just comatose.

Later on in the day, someone else gave Me the assignment to list some things that I think are romantic.

So here we are.

Gifting was an obvious topic.

Don't get Me wrong, I like gifts. Giving and receiving. But there has to be some heart behind it.

You can give Me flowers. Ok.

You can give me flowers and have a deep love to go with it. Maybe give them on the anniversary of the day we met. Or in remembrance of the first time I said I loved you.

Kudos on that idea!

You could pick out the specific types of flowers that I love most. This shows that not only do the little details matter, but that you're willing to put effort into romantical stuff.

I personally like to send cards. Sure, the romantical ones on birthdays and holidays... but also the Just Cause ones.

But it's not really about the gifts!

It's the difference between picking Me up at the airport with a welcoming kiss, and meeting Me in the receiving area with a sign like the drivers do. But yours is just a big heart.

It's the emails and texts and voicemails that I treasure and save simply because you said/wrote something that touched My heart.

Little words carry big emotion.

I recently posted something simple to My beloved:

Enta Omri

It was on My Facebook. Small words. Big emotion.

Telling your love what they mean to you? Very romantic in My eyes. Just that puts him/her on a pedistal and that can mean so much.

I love to just call and say I Love You. That's it. Just randomly.

Something I like to do for My Significant Other is to cook the meal they love best. I especially like it if there is the challenge of having to learn a new recipe!

A simple look can be quite romantic. Gather your love into your arms and stare into their eyes. Let it drag on a while. Wrap it up with a gentle kiss on the nose or forehead.

Romance can be so very simple. Tis part of why I get so grumpy at the lack of it.

Someone get Me the defibrilators! I'm reviving Romance!!

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Talkin bout the questions... the questions ya'll...

Time for the first post of Q & A! I've got 3 queries lined up and ready to go!

Q1)How do you approach the subject of asking your significant other if you can explore different things on your own, ie SM, BDSM ect. Yes, being physical would be involved. The reason for wanting to go solo, is there are things that cant be
done to the one you love, there needs to be no "attraction" or "feelings" just letting the primal urge take over. Not breaking up so you can go sleep around, and being safe when ever it is done, just letting the wild side come out and relieve the urge to go behind the back to get what you need.

If you aren't already in an open relationship, this can be hard to do. I'd be honest about it, but I'd ease into the sexual "physical" aspect of it after you gauge their reaction to the BDSM stuff.

You know your partner best. If you think, before even approaching them about any of this, that they aren't the type to be ok with an open relationship in the first place, then perhaps you need to weigh in if this relationship is worth keeping and sacrificing this primal urge of yours or not.

I think perhaps it'd be easiest if you begin with the fact that you have urges to do things that you don't want to involve them in. If you go with the whole "I love you so I can't do _______" it might soften the blow of what you're going to request.

Be crystal clear about the lack of any emotional attachment with these other folks.

Be crystal clear about safety.

Be crystal clear that your Significant Other is the important person. The Alpha. They have to be ok with anything/anyone/etc. Focus on their feelings about what you want to do. Be prepared to compromise, too.

If you have to, put down everything in writing so neither of you misconstrue anything said/agreed upon.

If you get the green light, I'd suggest keeping a very close eye on your love, especially in the beginning. Look for signs of them changing their mind. Be sure that, before you begin this wandering to Elsewhere, you lay out the rules with the Significant Other about what will happen if/when they decide they cant handle it.

Q2) What kind(s) of porn would you like to do in the future?

Oh wow... I've been thinking about this for a while now...

Definitely video game parody porn. I'd like to focus on retro games and military/FPS/SciFi Shooty games. I think they'd be the most fun genres.

Heavily BDSM-themed, lesbian porn too. Been itching to do these for ages now!!

And I'd like to direct some porn that I can turn around and MST3K before distribution. My friends and I used to rent porn solely to give it the MST3K treatment. I'd absolutely LOVE to do it all on the actual DVDs!

I'd also love to do "live action" furry porn. I'd use body paints and prostheses instead of fursuits, though. I was inspired by a mainstream porn I once saw where the girls were painted up like various animals... zebra, tigers, peafowl, etc...

Lastly I'd like to do hetero and lesbian films that have a religious theme. Priests and sinners, fallen angels and innocents, ancient Gods/Goddesses and worshippers. These are big on My list of turn ons lol. I'm going to SUCH a special hell!

Q3) My girlfriend wants to get into some fetishy work, but knows she isn't a Domme at heart. What is a simple fetish that doesn't require the personality of a dominant woman?

That one is simple. Feet! You can make decent money AND you don't have to be all Big Bad Domme.

If she wants to stay strictly online, all she really has to do is make a site and sell sets of photos. Pics of her feet. Different nail polishes on her toes, wearing socks, stockings, heels, flip flops, etc... Her feet in the grass, on concrete, in mud... any surface you can think of. If she keeps her fan base happy with pics on a regular basis, the money will remain steady. BUT! Keep in mind, because it is SUCH an easy fetish to work with, there are a berjillion chicks out there doing this too. Competition is fierce. She will have to have the best/most content, the best prices, etc.

If she keeps away from photos of her feet ON someone, like stepping on a face or genitals, she will get minimal requests for Domme-esque material. And if she doesn't come across as a dominant woman on her site, the requests will remain minimal. There will always be some hopefuls who email in and ask, but let them down gently!

I wanna spoil you 7 days a week...

I love when it creeps closer and closer to the Hollerdays. Why? Cheap makeup and perfume at the various pharmacies! Yaaaaaaay!

I recently found, homed in upon, and snagged Spoiled Brat by Wet N Wild. Perfect name, eh? Mmmmm eye shadows!

I was drooling at the colors, and the glitter. I couldn't wait to try it out.

This is what it looks like in it's palette:

And here's the swatches. On the back of my hand are all 3 colors with no base. On the arm area are the same colors, over a base of lotion.

The silver is, IMHO, too dark for a highlight shade, at least at the browline. I'm going to continue to use the pearly whites I prefer. The pink is delish, for sure... I've been using it like mad. And I've rocked the glittery black for a smokey look. It's not the most glitterific in the world, but it does sparkle.

This pic shows the pink without a base:

Friday, November 04, 2011

I be looking for labels, I aint looking for love

Shopping when you're a stripper is an evolved animal. New qualities, new attitude.

Suddenly you look at a bra or thong in new light. Not only do you judge look, comfort, and price, but now you also take into consideration if it will be for work and/or play, how easy it'll be to get off on stage, and if it suits/matches outfits already in your locker.

You like that new shade of Healthy Stimulated Clitoris pink nail polish, but will it glow under the black lights? Will it chip off of your toe nails due to your 7 inch heeled Maryjanes?

The perfume counter at TJ Nickels has a lovely variety, but which do you like AND will inspire a boner on random strangers?

Hell even food shopping can be changed by becoming a stripper.

"Oooh I love me some artichoke dip but I can only eat that on Wednesdays cause it's my day off and artichokes give me wicked gas!"

We also can't exclude how the cashier at Burger World or Shirtopia look at us when we pay for our purchases (no matter the total) in smoke-scented singles...

And of course you now look at thongs and lipstick as tax write offs.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

I'm feelin' tragic like I'm Marlon Brando

I recently had the grand pleasure of ordering from Sin City Playwear. They have some seriously sexy lingerie, so how could I resist? I decided to go with the Stretch Velvet Kimono Mini Dress for Hallows. I've seen the outfit around on the interwebs and I've always liked the look of it.

This is what the promo pic looks like:

Now yes, My geeky inner voice shouted "NOT A KIMONO!!" but this should, in no way, reflect on Sin City. This title was given to the outfit by it's creators, not the companies that sell it. So My beloved costume/AZN aficionados, resume breathing now, k?


Whoever handles the orders and shipping at Sin City is/are champs. Serious champs. I hope they get lots of appreciative sex. Seriously. The outfit arrived so fast, I looked up from My office's mailbox to check for Superman. Holy speedy delivery! Major kudos there.

I also had a great customer service experience via email. Alison sent numerous emails to Me, updating Me on status and checking in about delivery. She always responded to My emails with much speediness. Gotta love this lady!!

I slipped into the dress for a Trying On and the sound that emitted from My face was somewhere between the post-amazing sex sigh and Thanksgiving food coma groan of bliss. This dress? Stretchy, velvety, comfy goodness. This has to be, hands firmly down, the most comfy costume I've every worn. Especially in the Strippery Costume category. I'd wear this dress so much it'd eventually become part of My skin... it's delicious feeling. Holy stuff.

The above mentioned stretchiness made it fit lovely. As a woman with more curves than the model in the promo pic, this is a blessing!! I am so fucking happy with the fit of this outfit. I'm still in a state of drooly awe after wearing it.

I've heard some chicks bitch about these kind of pre-packaged Strippery Costumes being "cheap" and "flimsy" but this dress? It's not. It may be of simple design but it is well made! I love it's simplicity and quality. Love. Much, much love. And a lot of people at the Hallows party last night, strippers and customers alike, flung compliments on it's look AND quality.

Stripper tested, stripper approved!!

To further attest to it's comfort, I spent the whole night at the club and felt good the whole time. No discomfort. No being Too Warm or Too Cold. No discomfort on the skin. No wardrobe malfunction. Huzzah!!

This is by no means an outfit that only works on Hallows.

As a stripper, this is something I'd rock often. And I'm not at a club where costuming is common throughout the rest of the year.

As a Dominatrix, I can see Myself utilizing this dress during some sessions and photo shoots.

Speaking of shoots, I look forward to bringing this dress along for modeling gigs.

This dress will also be fun at conventions like MegaCon and DragonCon.

Huzzah for multipurpose Strippery Clothes!!! I can't love it enough when an outfit becomes THIS useful.

Want to see how it looked on Me? Here we go!!!

So as you can see, great outfit!!! I recommend it to curvy chicks. To be honest, I just don't think it works on gals who don't, at least, have tits enough to work the keyhole on the top of the dress.

Just My opinion.

And I cannot toot Sin City's horn enough. Best initial experience ever. Looking forward to ordering from them again! I will be dropping their name (and url) all over. Facebookers, go give them a Like wouldya?

Sunday, October 23, 2011

And everyone just heard you let one rip...

Today's strippery topic is Farting.

Yes.... farting.



Letting it rip.

Yes, strippers fart.

Why am I bringing this to light? Because I recently received an email asking if it's hard to hold it all in until AFTER work.


No, really. Hold it on? All shift? Not gonna happen.

Hell, we aren't THAT mysterious and magical.

Ok maybe we are but we fart at work. Trust me.

Some girls might choose to let them out in the bathroom or dressing room....

But there will always be those who will use farts as weapons.


Cheap, rude dipshits sitting at the stage? You might get gassed for being said cheap, rude dipshits.

Or if a hated coworker is up on stage after a Fart-weilding lass, there might be some Crop Dusting done on stage right as the last song ends...

But yes, Terry from North Texas... we fart (somewhere) at work.

It got you feelin like this can't be right...

Trust. Let's talk about it shall we?

Trust in titty bars? Well yes, but this is specific. This is about trust between a stripper and their Significant Other(s).

A major work hazard of stripping is rocky relationships. The industry breeds insecurity, burn out, crankiness, and lack of trust. It sucks!

But today we're gonna focus on the trust part.

I've often heard tales of woe from my Strippery Sisters. Tales of their Other Halves being suddenly grumpy about the whole stripping thing. Demanding retirement even!!


Um... no.

Be it a lover they've met while already stripping, or be it someone they were already involved with when they got into the biz... there has to be trust!

It's just a job dagnabbit!

If you trust your woman, there is no reason to want her out of the strip club.

Yes, she will be in various states of undress. Yes, dudes will see that. But it's just nudity. Be proud that YOUR woman is smokin hot and desirable! Roll around in that pride! If there is trust and a strong, healthy relationship, she will come home to you and you alone. The fact that strangers are seeing your chick in her skin and a smile? Surface insecurity that can and should be squashed. Otherwise go find a retail chick or a suit chick.

Which brings us to trusting her actions with customers...


The rumors of Extras...

But the trust! The trust, guys*!!

Do you trust your woman not to blow/stroke off/fuck her customers? If you don't, you shouldn't be with her. End of fucking story. This is a Giant Bucket Of Duh. Doesn't matter what she does for a living... if you don't trust her not to do other people? Time to say "adios" to that relationship or go get therapy if perhaps you just have trust issues in general.

To sum it up:

If she was stripping when you met her, and you knew about it? Tough shit. Pull up yer Big Boy Panties and get over yourself. Demanding she quit = fail.

If she started stripping while you've already been together, and she is a good, mentally healthy, trustworthy woman? It's just a job. One she might enjoy. One that has the potential to be lucrative. Suck it up or pay all her bills for her. It's not the Big Deal yer making it out to be.

*I say guys because most of the instances, that I see, of You Must Retire comes from Those With Penis. I'm in no way sayong that women or anyone else cannot/do not date strippers.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I Gotta Get Back In Time....

Ahhh Huey Lewis, how I adore thee...

Sometimes it makes Me quite sad to see the State Of Things in the stripping world.

I miss the better money flow of My early years, even the flow I merely observed, as a Non Dancing Employee, in the clubs during the 90s.

A biggy that I would see that proves My point? Back in The Day, a girl could (and would) make enough off of the more commonplace Big Spender and then hand him off to another girl who hadn't made her $$ yet that night. Yep. It used to happen. Who really  sees this much anymore? Too much Cold Shoulder, cutthroats, the shite economy, etc...

I miss classier herds of dancers too. Not so much the whole Gown Club thing as the way ladies held themselves... presented themselves. On and off stage.

Meh. Call Me a sentimental old fool. Tis all good. But I'd kill for a time machine. Despite all of the Wacky Hijinx I could get into in other eras, I'd still pop by the 80s or 90s to get My stripper on like they used to.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

if you ask me that really isn't classy....

So this sad looking chick got onto the bus today and started just losing her shit. Either she was a super newb stripper, a tweaker stripper, or just a classless stripper. Maybe it was a case of D) all of the above...


As a friend once said, "oh honey noooooo."

I laughed loudly when she got the boot off of the bus. Bitch only lasted one stop....

Man I miss there being more classy, clued in strippers....

Friday, September 16, 2011

Reviewing Strippish Songs: Part 1

Time to do the first review of a "strippish" song. Strippish? Yes. These are songs that mention strippers, stripping, and/or strip clubs in at least a few lines. I've heard tons of them, and a lot of them really are giving out the wrong messages! So, let's begin.

Artist(s): Lil Jon & The Eastside Boyz (feat. Pleasure P & Shawty Putt)
Song: Like A Stripper

Lemme see you go round an round
Lemme see you go round an round
Lemme see you go round an round
Lemme see you go round an round
Stilettos, she in the middle of the floor
Need a medal for all the junk up in her trunk
Shawty dance like stripper
She dance like a stripper
She dance like a stripper
When she dips in your patron
Get to the party (party) like she workin on the floor
Shawty got it (got it) when she drop it outta control
Shawty dance like a stripper
She dance like a stripper
She dance like a stripper
When she pop that catalog

Shake it off (shake it off)
Shake it down (shake it down)
Don't stop (don't stop)
To the ground (to the ground)
Pick it up (pick it up)
Put it down (put it down)
Lemme see you go round an round
Put it up (put it up)
Push it back (push it back)
Make it jump (make it jump)
Make it cry (make it cry)
Like that (like that)
Like that (like that)
Make a nigga wanna hit it from the back
Yo dick
Yo back
Pop that ass and that cat
Get it girl, that thing ain't to fat
Grind the dick just like that

Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Back to Pleasure P instead of got the party
(Party) like she workin on the floor it's
When her body (body) let's her work it on the pole

Heart breaker
Money maker
Booty shaken on the floor
Couple shots and patrons
She start dancin like a HOOOO
Bend it over
Touch them toes
Girl you do that like a pro
You know you bad with all that ass
Show me what it's made for
Shake it to the left
Shake it to the right
Shake it to the front
Now shake it back
Pop that back
Twist the cap
What you do with all that giiiirl
Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)

Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Back to Pleasure P instead of got the party
(Party) like she workin on the floor it's:
When her body (body) let's her work it on the pole

Ladies on the dance floor
Ladies by the bar
Ladies in the sound club
Shake it like a star
If it's just on girl
Bring it up to show the world
If it's just on girl
Bring it up to show the world

How low can you go (go)
How low can you go (go)
How low can you go (go)
How low can you go (go)
Take it to the floor (floor)
Take it to the floor (floor)
Take it to the floor (floor)
Take it to the floor (floor)

Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Round an round you go (go)
Back to Pleasure P instead of got the party
(Party) like she workin on the floor it's:
When her body (body) let's her work it on the pole

Lemme see you go round an round
Lemme see you go round an round
Lemme see you go round an round
Lemme see you go round an round
Lemme see you go round an round
Lemme see you go round an round
Lemme see you go round an round
Lemme see you go round an round

Ok, overall, not too bad. Most of it is common shit. But here's some select lyrics I have an issue with, and why:

Lemme see you go round an round (sure, we usually go around a pole, but not always)

Stilettos, she in the middle of the floor (not every dancer rocks the skinny heel anymore, but ok, it's iconic for the profession)

Shawty dance like stripper (Oh, I see... she isn't one, just dances like one?)

When she dips in your patron (you have a swimming pool of Tequila?)

Get to the party (party) like she workin on the floor (what is she doing, asking folks for dances?)

When she pop that catalog (wait, what?)

Make it cry (make it cry) (if any part of her body starts weeping, take her ass to the Free Clinic)

She start dancin like a HOOOO (ok hang on... we don't Dance Like Ho's. Stripper doesn't equal Ho)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I'm in yer video game, pokin yer manz

Twitter can lead to odd things, such as this post, which is dedicated to combining the wild world of Pokemon with stripping.

Yes. You read that right.


So.... here's what weirdness insomnia + booze + Twitter + 100 hours of Pokemon Leaf Green can do:

If customers were Pokemanz, here's what we'd deal with:

Camerupt (the customer we all fear. Get him hot and bothered and he... erupts. Ew.)
Combusken (the hot head that is quick to ignite and brawl)
Exploud (the big mouth. Always has to talk shit and talk shit loudly)
Gastly (total creeper)
Grimer (dude needs a shower! AKA not everyone should come to the titty bar directly from work)
Kakuna (ew, Harden.)
Koffing (you know this guy, with his fatal throat cancer AND the 8lb cigar)
Lickitung (the ever popular licker.)
Marowak (so boneheaded and thick. Stubborn as hell)
Tangela (getting away from his tangle of grabby arms is impossible)

What if strippers were Pokemanz? I haven't made that list yet, but I'm sure Skitty would be involved. Until then how about our super awesome Stripper Pokemanz moves:

Assist (hello, 2 girl dances!)
Crush Grip
Detect (to find the big money spenders)
Double Team (again, 2 girl shows)
DoubleSlap (you know you deserved it)
Endure (putting up with all the bullshit)
Fake Tears (when a dancer doesn't wanna tip out the DJ)
Flash (on stage)
Mean Look
Mega Drain (yer wallet, bitch!)
Pay Day
Rage (when you fuckers don't tip)
Recover (after a long shift)
Rest (AKA hiding in the dressing room!)
Revenge (don't make me put lipstick on your collar)
Scratch (stripper fight!!!)
Seismic Toss (when I have the bouncer throw you out!)
Spikes (kicking with a stripper heel)
Sweet Scent
Teeter Dance (she's obviously had too many shots of Patron)
Trick Room (in the nasty clubs lol)

And the customers aren't immune to this list either... Moves customers use:

Bone Rush
Confuse (buying us too many drinks heehee)
Discharge (Ew)
Doom Desire (hello stalker!)
Eruption (omg EW)
Sleep Powder (get away from my drink!)
Snore (yer that boring!)
Stringshot (ew)
Swagger (never works)

365 Days Of Photos: Days 357 - 365

Could it be? The finale for the 365 Project? YES! We made it!

Everyone should read really good stuff. These are like textbooks, IMHO.

Welcome to Tootsy's!

Hur hur, the stripper isle at Walmart?

Best nappin place ever?

A bit of Azn style!

Holy fuck where'd the hairs go? Yep, chopped it all off, for the first time in TWENTY years. Giving My poor hairs a fresh start.

Om nom nom cherries. RIP Jani Lane.

Check dem lil hairs!


Keepin the red around a while I think.

And there you have it! A year of images, free of charge, not so free of fun.