Saturday, August 13, 2011

I'm in yer video game, pokin yer manz




Twitter can lead to odd things, such as this post, which is dedicated to combining the wild world of Pokemon with stripping.

Yes. You read that right.

LAWL.

So.... here's what weirdness insomnia + booze + Twitter + 100 hours of Pokemon Leaf Green can do:

If customers were Pokemanz, here's what we'd deal with:

Camerupt (the customer we all fear. Get him hot and bothered and he... erupts. Ew.)
Combusken (the hot head that is quick to ignite and brawl)
Exploud (the big mouth. Always has to talk shit and talk shit loudly)
Gastly (total creeper)
Grimer (dude needs a shower! AKA not everyone should come to the titty bar directly from work)
Kakuna (ew, Harden.)
Koffing (you know this guy, with his fatal throat cancer AND the 8lb cigar)
Lickitung (the ever popular licker.)
Marowak (so boneheaded and thick. Stubborn as hell)
Tangela (getting away from his tangle of grabby arms is impossible)

What if strippers were Pokemanz? I haven't made that list yet, but I'm sure Skitty would be involved. Until then how about our super awesome Stripper Pokemanz moves:

Attract
Assist (hello, 2 girl dances!)
Bounce
Captivate
Charm
Covet
Crush Grip
Detect (to find the big money spenders)
Double Team (again, 2 girl shows)
DoubleSlap (you know you deserved it)
Endure (putting up with all the bullshit)
Fake Tears (when a dancer doesn't wanna tip out the DJ)
Flash (on stage)
Frustration
Glare
Hypnosis
Mean Look
Mega Drain (yer wallet, bitch!)
Pay Day
Rage (when you fuckers don't tip)
Recover (after a long shift)
Rest (AKA hiding in the dressing room!)
Revenge (don't make me put lipstick on your collar)
Scratch (stripper fight!!!)
Seismic Toss (when I have the bouncer throw you out!)
Spikes (kicking with a stripper heel)
Sweet Scent
Teeter Dance (she's obviously had too many shots of Patron)
Trick Room (in the nasty clubs lol)

And the customers aren't immune to this list either... Moves customers use:

Bone Rush
Confuse (buying us too many drinks heehee)
Discharge (Ew)
Doom Desire (hello stalker!)
Eruption (omg EW)
Flatter
Harden
Lick
Sleep Powder (get away from my drink!)
Snore (yer that boring!)
Stringshot (ew)
Swagger (never works)

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