Tuesday, June 30, 2015

You splattered the bathroom with your hair dye

This blog post is per request...a pictorial history of my hair from 1999 until now. Wigs not included... I've got a masochistic side but c'mon people. Sheesh.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dragon days and the fires hot

I'm putting a call out to y'all! I need some help...

 

Any of you readers out there drink Monster? Specifically the ones with the green pop tops? I need them. Many of them. Tons of them.

 

 

I'm building a dragon. Yes, a dragon. I am going to try my hand at creating a sculpture, and I need scales! I haven't chosen what I'm building the body of the dragon out of, but the pop top tabs will be PERFECT scales. So do you have any?

 

 

If you can send some, contact me on Twitter and let me know! Don't have Twitter? Really?!? Ok... then you can email me.

 

Let's make this happen!

 

 

Monday, June 29, 2015

I heard that zombies ate her brain

Guess who decided to ramble on about vidya? Huzzah! Gaming!

 

Lately I've been rather hooked on Plants Vs Zombies 2. It's conveniently on my iPhone, and it's rather fun. I loved the original game, so when I heard about it's sequel...? Oh yeah!

 

VS

FIGHT!

 

So to start things off, I played Plants Vs Zombies on the PC. I'm playing Plants Vs Zombies 2 on the above mentioned iPhone. So yeah, there are differences a'plenty. So when I compare the games, keep in mind that I'm not comparing a phone game vs a phone game...

 

One thing I like better about the sequel is the difference in the Adventure Modes. The original game has your basic areas: Day, Night, Pool, Fog, and Roof. Each area has unique challenges, which is fun... but the sequel's areas... aka eras, are much more diverse, fun, and very good looking. Instead of weather and lighting changes, the areas are a variety of time periods. Currently (they add a new area on occasion via app upgrades) the areas are: Ancient Egypt, Pirate Seas, Wild West, Far Future, Dark Ages, Big Wave Beach, Frostbite Caves, and Lost City.

 

 

Like it's predecessor, each area in PvZ2 introduces new plants and zombies. The sequel, however, introduces more of each than the original. I love this about the sequel!

 

Now, the original has it's Adventure Mode, but it also has Mini Games, Puzzles, and Survival Mode.

 

 

These prove to be a fun break from Adventure Mode, and I enjoyed trying to conquer them. The sequel does not have All of these goodies. They chose to input their endless Survival Modes a different way. Each era has it's own Endless area that is accessible after you reach a certain point in said era. The sequel also skips most of the mini games and puzzles and only offers Vase Breakers.

 

 

I miss the variety of the Mini Games and Puzzles. Vase Breakers is fun, but after a while...? I prefer a variety. PvZ2 tries to make up for the lack of other little fun bits by adding in the Yeti challenge and the Piñata Party.

 

 

The Yeti challenges can be fun, but I have one gripe... After you beat the Yeti area, it will spawn again somewhere else. That Yeti gets Frequent Flyer Miles, I swear... he's all over the place. He bops from era to era like a Time Lord. If he shows up on a level that you loathe... you're SOL. Right now (for me) he's hanging out on Far Future's level 15. I hated that level. It pissed me off quite thoroughly, But if I don't go and relive the angst to beat the Yeti? He will camp there. Permanently. I wish he would respawn somewhere else daily, regardless of if I defeat him or not... Ugh.

 

I live for the Piñata Parties. They're a daily event, that starts at 12am. Each day you're presented with a random (and sometimes original) level with it's own unique challenge. Sometimes it's introducing a new plant that is Coming Soon, sometimes it's themed after a current holiday. I find them a great break from the normal era levels, and if you beat the level, you get to pick three gift boxes for whatever is hidden within them. It could be coins, gems, a free Power Up, a sprout for your Zen Garden, or a costume for one of your plants. If you completes five consecutive levels of Piñata Party in a row, you get Señor Piñata after you pick your three gifts. I love Señor Piñata. I find it very cathartic to whack him till he bursts and gives me another present! Yes, even in vidya I am a Sadist.

 

"Oh hay Paige... What is the Power Up that you mentioned?"

 

That's a great question! PvZ2 introduces a few new things that help you conquer the levels, and I adore them. They are the cake to my sweet tooth.

 

 

The first is Plant Food. Yes, the first game had fertilizer in the Zen Garden, but this is different. Some zombies produce Plant Food when you kill them, instead of coins or gems, and I snatch those bad boys up like the greedy bitch I am. If you use said Plant Food on certain plants, they get a boost, which makes them go into overdrive. The sun producers will erupt with sun, combative plants will overkill. It's amazeballs and its VERY useful. This only works on one plant, whichever you choose to use the Plant Food on. Yo can buy them if they don't spawn from killed zombies. They cost you coins. The other way to feed your plants for these boosts in power is via Zen Garden.

 

The other new thing are the Power Ups. They're handy dandy little bastards that give you an extra edge against the zombies. They each have a price in coins, so keep an eye on your budget. You can choose from Power Toss (flings zombies away, towards the entrance to the lawn), Power Zap (electrocutes zombies, huzzah!), Power Snow (hurls snowballs which freeze and ultimately kill the zombies), and Power Flame (replaces the Snow in Frostbite Caves, it burns instead of freezes). My only gripe about the Power Ups is where they are located on the game's layout. Since this game is limited to smart phones, you can accidentally touch the Power Ups if you are trying to touch a sun, coin, zombie, etc that is in the bottom row. This wastes coins and said Power Ups. Grrrr!

 

Another thing I liked about the first game as compared to the second is the Zen Garden. In the sequel, they cut the size of your garden in half. Now some folks say it's because the size of smart phone screens is a limited thing, but I call shenanigans. You can fit more plants in the garden in PvZ2. I wish they would. I miss my Botanical Garden of Win. I also miss Mister Snail. The Bee dude is cool and all, but snails!

 

VS

FIGHT!

 

Stingy! Don't those game devs know that gardening is therapeutic and good for the environment?

 

Another thing I preferred from the first game is $$$ factor with the plants. Some of the plants that I enjoyed using in the first game can only be accessed in the sequel if you spend actual cash. No thanks. Not on my budget. PvZ, I love you, but not that much. Enough of the New To The Sequel plants are Cash Only as well, and that also makes me frown. Meh.

 

I have one more major gripe about PvZ2, and it is by far y biggest gripe of all. This game, unlike the first game, is not available on the PC. I prefer the Point and Click to the Touch and Swipe. I prefer the bigger screen size of the PC to that of the iPhone (or any smart phone TBH). It really gets my glittery thong in a bunch that there has never been a PC release for the sequel. I do indeed grumble.

 

All in all, the sequel has prettier, improved plant and zombie design, I love the look of the levels (especially Lost City... so shiny!), and some of the new challenges are rally awesome. I just really can't get past the lack of PC availability.

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Ive been making a living not making a life

Most people I know on a personal level know what I do for a living. Most of them are at least slightly aware of My career in the Adult Entertainment Industry. It's no big secret. Never really has been.

 

When My sexuality comes up in conversation with said Folks In The Know, I get major Déjà Vu. Copious amounts of Déjà Vu. Buckets of Déjà Vu.

 

To catch you up, in case you're new here (welcome!), I am a Panromantic Asexual.

 

 

Lemme get all Websters on yer ass for a moment...

 

Asexuality is indeed a sexuality. What it boils down to is that an asexual person does not want to have sex. They just don't want to. They don't enjoy it. Some also don't like kissing/hand holding/other PDA, some do. Those that don't are Aromantic as well as Asexual. Some asexuals just don't get horny. Ever. Some do. Some enjoy masturbation, but just don't enjoy having sex with anyone else. For Me though? I don't see My asexuality so much as My sexual preference as perhaps a glitch that I wouldn't miss if it disappeared. IMHO, all of the anti-depressants I took as a kid may have fucked with My wiring and thus no libido. Not everyone considers this true asexuality, but I do.

 

What is a Panromantic Asexual? Well remember how I said that some asexuals are also aromantic? I'm not. I love romance. I love kissing. I love making out. I love cuddling. I find people attractive in a romantic way. I find all kinds of people attractive. Pansexuality is like Bisexuality but with an upgrade. Instead of just being attracted to men and women like bisexuals, pansexuals are also attracted to people who do not fall into those two gender norms. Androgynous people, gender fluid people, transgendered people, etc etc. I find people from all parts of the spectrum attractive. This the panromantic part of the title.

 

 

So that's the basics. There is A LOT of info out there on the interwebs about pansexuality and asexuality. Check it out. Get educated. It's good for the soul.

 

ONWARD!

 

when the new knowledge of My sexuality hits the brain and mixes with the pre-installed knowledge of My career choice, the reaction is almost always the same...

 

 

So here we are today, kids. We're gonna get this all straightened out once and for all. From now on when I get the confused stare, I will simply direct said confused face to this blog post! Huzzah!

 

"But Paige! How can you be asexual and do porn? Or strip? Or do sessions?"

 

The answer can be broken down into two parts.

 

PART ONE

 

I can be asexual and do porn because...? Well shit, is this really confusing to people? Porn is a job. It's just a job. I can do a job without having to be so invested in it. I don't have to actually get a Magical Girl Boner when I'm having sex on camera. You know the jokes about women faking it during sex? Yeah, that's all it really boils down to when I was doing porn. Faking it for a paycheck. It's really not any different than anyone else who goes to a job that they don't love.

 

Go.

 

Do.

 

Get it over with.

 

Profit.

 

See? Not really all that baffling if you stop and think about it. All you need is a Poker Face (or is that Poke Her?). Learn how to moan like you mean it. And that, ladies and gentlemen (and My actual audience), that is Part One. Capisce?

 

PART TWO

 

I can be asexual and be a stripper because...?

 

Really???

 

Why do people seem to cling to the stereotype of Strippers Always Fuck Customers? It really gets My thong in a twist. Sure, some do, but most do not. So My lack of libido does NOT effect My job as an ecdysiast. It never has. It never will. There is really no reason for it to do so anyway. Once again, no Magical Girl Boner here.

 

The same goes with My sessions as a Dominatrix. This isn't bedroom kink. This is work. I have no need to get off during a session. Not to mention the fact that My clients aren't worthy of My orgasms anyway. I don't sleep with My clients. I don't require a Magical Girl Boner to do the job. The dungeon is a Magical Girl Boner-free zone.

 

See? That wasn't so hard. Now you know.

 

 

I'm sure that this will break some sort of fantasy for some of y'all. If so, I apologize. I'm not, however, going to apologize for wanting to educate the pervy masses.

 

Monday, June 22, 2015

Up to the tip of my nails Im going to paint with your color

Dear Sally Hansen,

 

I love you. Thank you for making My nails look spiffy for all these years. I appreciate it. And the folks who swoon over My claws thank you too. About a month ago, Mr UPS Man delivered a pre-surgery Gery Well gift package with some nail polishes in them. YAY!! So how about a Haul Post, now that I am able to sit down and blog?

 

 

Ok!

 

 

 

Satin Glam in Sun Sheen(04) is a medium orange, very warm. It's got a touch of pearlescence, and a hint of glitter. It's going to be perfect for "autumn"* and Hallows, or maybe if I give in and cheer for the Gators (pffft, really?).

 

 

 

Satin Glam in Go Gold Satin Glam in Go Gold(01) is a fun taupe kind of gold with a pearl sheen and some tiny glitter to add sparkle. It is a warm, passive neutral that I think will compliment a lot of colors, outfits, and occasions.

 

 

 

Complete Salon Manicure in Hi Ho Silver (150) is a straight up medium silver, with some pearlescence and fine glitter. It's light enough for winter looks, but not so much that it won't stand out on your hands.

 

 

 

 

Complete Salon Manicure in Debut-Tint (180) is a super super pale yellow with a shine made with pearlescence and glitter. Very thin. If you put one coat on your nails, your nails will look natural until the light hits it then SHINE! I really love how pale and delicate this yellow is. Great for spring, for weddings, for Easter, or just to give yourself Fairy Hands.

 

 

 

Complete Salon Manicure in Shoot The Moon (160) is a great pewter silver, slightly pearly and glittery. It's got a bit more of a delicate silvery thing going on as compared to true pewters or gun metals, but it will still be taken seriously.

 

 

 

Sugar Shimmer in Sugar Cloud (02) is a light, sky blue with an opalescent pink glitter. That is such a FUN combo. Another great spring nail polish. Gritty, so a lot of top coat is required if you prefer a smooth finish. The texture of this polish, without a top coat buffer, bugged the hell out of Me. I prefer this polish over a flat blue, preferably one that is exact or extremely close to the blue in this polish.

 

 

 

Sugar Shimmer in Sugar Plum (01) is a bubblegum pink with opalescent gold glitter. Like it's blue sibling mentioned above, the color combo makes Me squee, and it'll be groovy for y'all who actually have a spring season. Leaves a gritty texture just like said sibling. Again, I had to slap on a few coats of a clear top coat to calm Myself down.

 

 

 

Diamond Strength in Wedding Crasher (450) looks like its going to be a clear polish with metallic, magenta glitter... But the clear polish turns out to be a very watery, very see transparent magenta. Surprise! I think it would look best over a base color like magenta or black.

 

 

 

Diamond Strength in Black Tie (470) is très complex. The pictures on the interwebs do NOT do it justice. I was unable to take any pictures that did. It's an overall pearlescent (barely) polish that looks dark, dark teal from one angle, and a dark mauve from another angle. Goes on thin so either go for a lot of layers or put it over a base color like teal or black.

 

 

 

Diamond Strength in Love Bug (280) is a bubblegum pink with a lot of pearlescence and a hint of ultra fine glitter. Very girly, in that Classic Girl Next Door Pink kinda way. Goes on thin.

 

 

 

Diamond Strength in Aisle Be There (140) has the wow factor. It's a pearlescent, pale, yellowy pearl-color with an opalescent pink glitter. Such a fun combo! I really had a hard time putting the bottle down. Goes on thin but makes a nice see-thru top coat if you want just a touch of color on your nails, or goes well over a solid base coat like white or palest yellow. Over black it turns a purplish pink!

 

 

 

Diamond Strength in Bride To Be (170) seems like a misleading name, IMHO. It is kind of an antique-y color that doesn't bring to mind a classic bride. I do really love the color, though! It's somewhere between a sage green and a pale silver. Pearlescent throughout, with minute glitter. Also a thin polish so bulk it up or use it as a top coat.

 

 

So there you have it, another fun round of Why Does Paige Think We Give A Shit About Her Hoard Of Nail Polish? Aren't you glad I was able to put all of this in writing? I didn't think so!

 

 

* We really don't have an autumn season here in Florida. Some trees drop trow, but our actual seasons are Summer, Hurricane, and Tourist.