Monday, April 25, 2011

the music to the story in your eyes

Ok kids, let's talk about eye contact in strip clubs. Eyes communicate on their own. In their own way. They are VERY helpful to us dancin ladies. Here are some examples of customer eye messages that need to get lost:

Darting your already nervous eyes around the club. This might infer that you don't trust us, you aren't sure if you SHOULD trust us, you think someone in the room is out to get you, or you're a shady creep who is probably looking to commit your 4th homicide. This look, for any and all of it's reasons? Strippers do NOT like it. Don't do it. If you MUST do it to survive? Go to a jewelry store or an airport and try that shit. Much more LULZ.

The ever popular "I ain't impressed by dis here broad. I can fuck plenty of chicks hotter than her" smug smirk. With the crossed arms, and the far lean back on the chair. This is the face of a dude who thinks that every single female in the place, employee or not, is looking at him at all times and is lusting for his body. How wrong he is. When a stripper catches you looking at her with the smirk of "pffft don't you wish, sweetheart!" all that does is make the guy sitting next to/behind/far off to the left of you look sexy as fuck. Even that smelly dude who tries to pay with food stamps.

The look of "I am sexy, sultry, and I want to do you NOW" is a good one to find in strip clubs, from both teams. While you're in My club, looking at Me like that changes to "I am rich, loaded, and I want to tip you NOW" which we like. So we in turn shall crank up the sultry so that we might ensnare you in our spider web of VIP room. The only time we do NOT like your version of the above look, is when it's an hour after we've closed for the night, and the bouncer and I find you leaning on My car, naked, with that same look.

By far My very, very, VERY least favorite eye contact faux pas? I'm on stage, in a thong that some might rename The Eyepatch, being graceful and seductive in the colorful lights. The music is pumpin, it's a tune I can really get into and I do that. I rock out in the most amazing feats of stripperlympics... and you douchels are watching the football game on the flat screen. All that's watching My super awesome Flashdance on stage are your sweaty, lumpy backs. Gee thanks dudes. No, really. Allow Me to give you your first taste of eating your own dick for lunch.

And ladies! Ladies... you female customers are NOT going to hide from this here blog post of SHAME ON YOU. No ma'am!

When your man, your friend(s), and/or coworker(s) want to hit up the nudie bar, and you just DO NOT wanna go? Do Me a favor. DON'T GO. Open your face and say NO. Really. Please. I'm about to beg you. Why? Because of the looks we strippers dislike from the female customers. The most hated one? When you sit there, obviously loathing every moment you have to be there. The glare. The folded arms. The posture of EVERYONE SHALL NOW DIE. That look sucks. It sucks more than the Homecoming Queen under the bleachers after the Big Game. I understand that you don't want to be at the nudie bar. That's ok. Not everyone enjoys them. But when I walk up to greet you and the folks yer with? Don't try to murder Me with your eyeballs, ok?

You ladies have your own version of the 2nd type of look that I mentioned in the Dude Section. You aren't impressed by the lady on stage and/or the lady chatting ya'll up? Ok. That's fine. But if you continue to arch your brows and sneer? I'm gonna iron your face. That should fix those wrinkles! No, you probably can't do My job better than I can. No, I don't care if you think you're hotter shit than I am. No, I don't have cooties. So cut that shit look right out. Seriously. It makes you look like a disgruntled toad.

Female customers also have their own version of the "I want to do you NOW" face. This is more scary to Me than when the dudes do it. Why? Because it's been My experience that the ladies are more likely to try to kiss/grab/fondle/lick Me while I'm working than the dudes. Sure, plenty of the vagina-challenged try, but there is something about bi women + booze that = they think they're making a porno. You're bi? Congrats. Welcome to 2011. But seriously? If I wanted to suck face with you, you'd know. Trust Me on this one. So when I see the Come Hither stare from a female customer, I tend to worry. Alas, this issue has fucked up chances for any of the female customers who simply want to tip. I shall now pause from blogging to release a huge sigh.

Much better. Now where was I?

Oh yes...

So now you get the idea, right? Your face can speak volumes without making an sound.

365 Days Of Photos: Days 262 - 268

Yep, another Monday, another attempt at catching up. Boobies!

My bewbs are stayin warm at night!

Music makes My nipples hard...

This is the only way I can be rated G

Oops, My bikini string is twisted...

Nuff said!


Frosty eyes FTW

Monday, April 18, 2011

365 Days Of Photos: Days 256 - 261

More 365 pics for yall!

The wind loves to fuck with My hair I tell ya!

Do love My Metroid shirt! You should love it too...

Rockin some terra cotta and pink shadows

Dunno what the fuck My hair was thinking that day, it was rebelling! LOL

Man she was perfection...

Ya'll should say hi to the ladies!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

365 Days Of Photos: Days 247 - 255

As promised, an update on the 365 project!

Here's my new wig. Yay!

I love how it looks. The wig. Yes there's hair in this picture. LOL!

Rockin a bloo Tootsy's shirt!

Havin some quality time with Captain Fluffy Pants Jr

It means "tiger"

Neener neener!

Cause guys get so WHINY when I don't use lube...


Can you tell I love this wig?

Sunday, April 03, 2011

The sweetest perfection to call my own

To Shop or not to Shop.... or is it Alas, poor face of mine, I shopped her well!

Yes I use Photoshop on My images. Cameras are not perfect and neither am I but I damned well want to look like I could be. So a camera makes me look too Caucasian Pink, I adjust the reds vs yellows. I remove blemishes. I take out graininess. ONOES! FALSE ADVERTISING! In a world where an ad for MASCARA shows a woman wearing FAKE LASHES, and swimsuit models are Photoshopped to appear slimmer? I think I'm a minor offender here. Sheesh!

And one last think, which may burn bridges, but hey, I'll bring the marshmallows. If you don't like that I am airbrushed, be it by a photographer, an art tech guy who edits for a magazine or website, or Yours Truly...bye bye! There are some rare photos out there on the web that are 100% untouched. Maybe you will find them as you walk into the setting sun, which had its color boosted 75% before it went to print.

shaved her legs and than he was a she

One of My all time favorite fetishes is sissification. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to take a male of the human persuasion, and make him all girly.

First, let's discuss WHY I enjoy this.

Reason 1: causing humiliation! HUZZAH!

Reason 2: Playing dress up and playing makeovers are FUN! This sort of fun should never be limited to young children! Pfft!

Reason 3: This goes hand in hand with Reason 2... I am, for this adventure, the Goddess and I am creating a creature in a manner I see fit.

Now, lets discuss the other WHY. The why the men and boys come to Me for such things.

Some want to be humiliated badly. They are manly men in their vanilla lives, but they want to be degraded down to a lowly whore tramp slut. That can be arranged! The skankiest clothes, the most garish makeup, and the teased up hair. And to drag you out to a sex club or a BDSM club where we could whore you out?

S1ome find the humiliation of being labeled a sissy. We doll you up as CUTE as humanly possible and parade you around town like a prized poodle or a baby. You are unable to speak for yourself unless you use either baby talk or puppy barking. NO SCAT PLAY ALLOWED. But you will be paraded around and coo'd at and your cheeks will be pinched!

One of My favorites are sissy maids! We get to play dress up in frills and lace and uniformity. And your humiliation doesn't stop there. No, now you will clean My home for me, while I sit back and sip champagne. I might blow you a kiss if I feel you are doing a good job at cleanings. I might allow you to pause from your task to come lick the heel of My shoe. Or maybe I will allow you to pour Me more champagne and feed Me fresh fruit. And once you've come back to My feet and tell Me that the chores are completed? Well, then Myself and My ever lovely OTHER Dominant friends will inspect your work. If you made mistakes? I will be punishing you in a way that I see fit for you humiliation. And My friends? They get to watch and laugh, as you serve them their drinks and food as well. I might even allow them to join in on the punishments.

Another good one is when a male wants to be dressed up like a hot, sexy, confident, Dominant WOMAN. So what about a few of us REAL Dommes get him all done up and we go out for a night on the BDSM town? Or even if he's not a Dom type, we can at least have Ladies Night Out and scope some dudes. We might make our "sister" scope dudes, or just play along like she's a lesbo and we can find her a "date"

I once had a sissy maid who I loved. I miss that boi. He'd rent the penthouse suite on the beach somewhere and He'd be all dolled up in his maid uniform, wig, makeup, heels, stockings... I'd arrive in a classy gown and bling. He'd have trays of freshly prepared fruit, My favorite dark chocolates, and the champagne I love with raspberries in the glass. And he'd flit about, cleaning the room, brushing My long hair, massaging My legs. And when I needed to be fed, I was fed. And when I needed a new drink, it was refilled. He used nice glasses, and silver trays. It was swanky! I miss that.

Where are you girly boys when I need to play? I should start a sissy maid package deal for sessions again.

$250 per hour.
client is responsible for the room, the food, the champagne, the trays/glasses/etc. Client must being their own uniform and cleaning tools.

If the client agrees, they will pose with Me in one photo, depicting them serving Me. I keep a copy, and the client keeps a copy. If the client is agreeable to it, I would show off this pic (or an altered version) of it on My website, in a section where I praise My lovely bois.

Nobody holds a candle to me in my red high heels

I often wonder about the future of the stripper shoe. Yep. I dedicate actual brain power to this. What can I say? I love stripper shoes. I love how they look (with some exceptions of course), I love how sexy I feel when wearing them. I love the extra height, the extra curve definition they give Me. They're an important part of My job. An essential part of the "uniform".

So where have we gone over the years? The classic pump with the slender, stick heel and the non existent platform was the thing. You didn't need stores specifically for strippers. You could get your heels just about anywhere that sold women's shoes. At some point, the heel gained some height again, and this time the platform was born to keep up with said heel. Clear heels? And platforms? Women were NOT going to wear this to work, if work meant an office, a bank, a store... No no no... these were SPECIFICALLY stripper heels. So now we had to evolve, to change our behavior in order to get the precious shoes of the trade.

The clear heel and platform became our icon. Our calling card. Our sigil.

And then, even those changed. They got taller, and taller, and taller still.

Some had flickering lights in them. Some of those lights were just always a blinkin away atcha, while others were smart blinkies! They only blinked when the wearer of the shoes moved around! That reduced the chances of a customer having a seizure by a smidge.

Some of the platforms were filled with clear liquid and glitter. Some were halfway filled with blue liquid, and little rubber duckies or frogs floated in them.

Oh and then some of them became useful for more than one task. They were made to be little shoe banks! You could put your tips in em! How CUTE! And helpful!

The clear motif gave way to opaque shoes which gave matching your shoes to your outfit such ease by variety. You could have a Pink shoe with a clear heel and platform OR a pink shoe with a pink heel and platform, or a pink shoe with a black heel and platform... And then there were the ones who had flowers and glitter and other such bits of happy fun joy inside the platform. The stripper shoe had taken a left at Claire's and stayed a while. Rhinestones, studs, stars, flowers, all sorts of delightful little... ornaments.

So where will we go next?

Will those cute little bank shoes give way to an ATM shoe? The customer can make a withdrawal DURING the lap dance?

How about the whole platform/heel height thing? Will we get shoes so tall that they come with a parachute and life insurance?

I know what I want. I want shoes that massage My feet while I traipse around the club, while I dance for some grabass, while I get on and off stage 20 times a night. And they should warm My feet when the manager forgot to adjust the AC the night before and suddenly a Florida strip club is Vancouver in January. And they should randomly tell Me that I'm pretty, and that the thong I have on compliments not only the shape of My ass but My eye color as well. And when they break, as stripper shoes always do? They have to apologize to me for the inconvenience before repairing themselves for free.

And before I end this brain meltdown... we need to give props to the original crazy ass shoe. If you recognize this pic, you win an internet:

365 Days Of Photos: Days 244 - 246