Friday, November 18, 2011

Idiot wind, blowing every time you move your mouth

The internet has emboldened some serious asshats. Now, they have the Anonymity Backbone to email/post/IM/PM random women and ask the age old question...

"Wanna fuck?"

And the resounding "no!" that is generated by millions of women across the globe?

I believe that energy is harnessed and used to keep the interwebs going.

No, really.

So this post us dedicated to all ya'll dudes that think it's clever to ask us chicks such a STUPID question.

You wanna fuck? Ok lemme tell ya when that's gonna happen!

We're gonna fuck:

When My vagina detaches itself from My body, becoming sentient, and decides it has a thing for creepy random dudes.

When I give up on the rational fear of STDs. Rational fear never matches My favorite shoes anyway.

When My only other options for intercourse partners are the weird homeless dude that looks like Einstein, Dr Cox, and an ostrich (he really exists!) had a collision of reproductive DNA, and a wild pig. (welcome to Florida, folks)

When My crotch gives up on trying to convince Me to commit suicide and we settle for Insane Emotional Masochism.

When desperation becomes a high-value commodity. (I wanna be rich, bitch!)

When a freak viral outbreak causes all of the genitals on the planet to turn into Crisco... except yours and Mine. (Soooo glad I like baking...)

When I trade in My brain for whatever is behind Door Number Two. (A NEW CAAAARRRRRRR!!!!)

When I accidentally become encased in carbonite, except for My vagina. (Damn you, Vader!!)

When you and I are trapped in Thunderdome and My only other weapon is a bottle of Windex.

When Oded Fehr AND Jill Hennessy say that they'll marry Me, but only if I fuck you first.

When a zombie apocalypse occurs and the only way to create a super weapon to destroy them is to fuse our crotchal areas.

When they invent a brand of booze that not only gets one horrendously shitfaced and nukes inhibition, but also liquifies the frontal lobe of the brain.

Is that clarified for folks now?

She's a whooty... a white girl with a booty...

Since some jerkoff on Facebook decided to report My amazing booteh pics, I'm forced to post them here, and here alone for the time being. So without further adieu... ass pics!

Monday, November 14, 2011

I want your drama, the touch of your hand...

Today I found myself discussing romance twice.

The first time, a coworker and I debated the current health status of romance. She says that it's dead. I say it's usually just comatose.

Later on in the day, someone else gave Me the assignment to list some things that I think are romantic.

So here we are.

Gifting was an obvious topic.

Don't get Me wrong, I like gifts. Giving and receiving. But there has to be some heart behind it.

You can give Me flowers. Ok.

You can give me flowers and have a deep love to go with it. Maybe give them on the anniversary of the day we met. Or in remembrance of the first time I said I loved you.

Kudos on that idea!

You could pick out the specific types of flowers that I love most. This shows that not only do the little details matter, but that you're willing to put effort into romantical stuff.

I personally like to send cards. Sure, the romantical ones on birthdays and holidays... but also the Just Cause ones.

But it's not really about the gifts!

It's the difference between picking Me up at the airport with a welcoming kiss, and meeting Me in the receiving area with a sign like the drivers do. But yours is just a big heart.

It's the emails and texts and voicemails that I treasure and save simply because you said/wrote something that touched My heart.

Little words carry big emotion.

I recently posted something simple to My beloved:

Enta Omri

It was on My Facebook. Small words. Big emotion.

Telling your love what they mean to you? Very romantic in My eyes. Just that puts him/her on a pedistal and that can mean so much.

I love to just call and say I Love You. That's it. Just randomly.

Something I like to do for My Significant Other is to cook the meal they love best. I especially like it if there is the challenge of having to learn a new recipe!

A simple look can be quite romantic. Gather your love into your arms and stare into their eyes. Let it drag on a while. Wrap it up with a gentle kiss on the nose or forehead.

Romance can be so very simple. Tis part of why I get so grumpy at the lack of it.

Someone get Me the defibrilators! I'm reviving Romance!!

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Talkin bout the questions... the questions ya'll...

Time for the first post of Q & A! I've got 3 queries lined up and ready to go!

Q1)How do you approach the subject of asking your significant other if you can explore different things on your own, ie SM, BDSM ect. Yes, being physical would be involved. The reason for wanting to go solo, is there are things that cant be
done to the one you love, there needs to be no "attraction" or "feelings" just letting the primal urge take over. Not breaking up so you can go sleep around, and being safe when ever it is done, just letting the wild side come out and relieve the urge to go behind the back to get what you need.

If you aren't already in an open relationship, this can be hard to do. I'd be honest about it, but I'd ease into the sexual "physical" aspect of it after you gauge their reaction to the BDSM stuff.

You know your partner best. If you think, before even approaching them about any of this, that they aren't the type to be ok with an open relationship in the first place, then perhaps you need to weigh in if this relationship is worth keeping and sacrificing this primal urge of yours or not.

I think perhaps it'd be easiest if you begin with the fact that you have urges to do things that you don't want to involve them in. If you go with the whole "I love you so I can't do _______" it might soften the blow of what you're going to request.

Be crystal clear about the lack of any emotional attachment with these other folks.

Be crystal clear about safety.

Be crystal clear that your Significant Other is the important person. The Alpha. They have to be ok with anything/anyone/etc. Focus on their feelings about what you want to do. Be prepared to compromise, too.

If you have to, put down everything in writing so neither of you misconstrue anything said/agreed upon.

If you get the green light, I'd suggest keeping a very close eye on your love, especially in the beginning. Look for signs of them changing their mind. Be sure that, before you begin this wandering to Elsewhere, you lay out the rules with the Significant Other about what will happen if/when they decide they cant handle it.

Q2) What kind(s) of porn would you like to do in the future?

Oh wow... I've been thinking about this for a while now...

Definitely video game parody porn. I'd like to focus on retro games and military/FPS/SciFi Shooty games. I think they'd be the most fun genres.

Heavily BDSM-themed, lesbian porn too. Been itching to do these for ages now!!

And I'd like to direct some porn that I can turn around and MST3K before distribution. My friends and I used to rent porn solely to give it the MST3K treatment. I'd absolutely LOVE to do it all on the actual DVDs!

I'd also love to do "live action" furry porn. I'd use body paints and prostheses instead of fursuits, though. I was inspired by a mainstream porn I once saw where the girls were painted up like various animals... zebra, tigers, peafowl, etc...

Lastly I'd like to do hetero and lesbian films that have a religious theme. Priests and sinners, fallen angels and innocents, ancient Gods/Goddesses and worshippers. These are big on My list of turn ons lol. I'm going to SUCH a special hell!

Q3) My girlfriend wants to get into some fetishy work, but knows she isn't a Domme at heart. What is a simple fetish that doesn't require the personality of a dominant woman?

That one is simple. Feet! You can make decent money AND you don't have to be all Big Bad Domme.

If she wants to stay strictly online, all she really has to do is make a site and sell sets of photos. Pics of her feet. Different nail polishes on her toes, wearing socks, stockings, heels, flip flops, etc... Her feet in the grass, on concrete, in mud... any surface you can think of. If she keeps her fan base happy with pics on a regular basis, the money will remain steady. BUT! Keep in mind, because it is SUCH an easy fetish to work with, there are a berjillion chicks out there doing this too. Competition is fierce. She will have to have the best/most content, the best prices, etc.

If she keeps away from photos of her feet ON someone, like stepping on a face or genitals, she will get minimal requests for Domme-esque material. And if she doesn't come across as a dominant woman on her site, the requests will remain minimal. There will always be some hopefuls who email in and ask, but let them down gently!

I wanna spoil you 7 days a week...

I love when it creeps closer and closer to the Hollerdays. Why? Cheap makeup and perfume at the various pharmacies! Yaaaaaaay!

I recently found, homed in upon, and snagged Spoiled Brat by Wet N Wild. Perfect name, eh? Mmmmm eye shadows!

I was drooling at the colors, and the glitter. I couldn't wait to try it out.

This is what it looks like in it's palette:

And here's the swatches. On the back of my hand are all 3 colors with no base. On the arm area are the same colors, over a base of lotion.

The silver is, IMHO, too dark for a highlight shade, at least at the browline. I'm going to continue to use the pearly whites I prefer. The pink is delish, for sure... I've been using it like mad. And I've rocked the glittery black for a smokey look. It's not the most glitterific in the world, but it does sparkle.

This pic shows the pink without a base:

Friday, November 04, 2011

I be looking for labels, I aint looking for love

Shopping when you're a stripper is an evolved animal. New qualities, new attitude.

Suddenly you look at a bra or thong in new light. Not only do you judge look, comfort, and price, but now you also take into consideration if it will be for work and/or play, how easy it'll be to get off on stage, and if it suits/matches outfits already in your locker.

You like that new shade of Healthy Stimulated Clitoris pink nail polish, but will it glow under the black lights? Will it chip off of your toe nails due to your 7 inch heeled Maryjanes?

The perfume counter at TJ Nickels has a lovely variety, but which do you like AND will inspire a boner on random strangers?

Hell even food shopping can be changed by becoming a stripper.

"Oooh I love me some artichoke dip but I can only eat that on Wednesdays cause it's my day off and artichokes give me wicked gas!"

We also can't exclude how the cashier at Burger World or Shirtopia look at us when we pay for our purchases (no matter the total) in smoke-scented singles...

And of course you now look at thongs and lipstick as tax write offs.