Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

Are we ready for more ass pictures? I'm sure we are!

Someone asked me about what I read. Seemed like a fun project for images. I read a lot of crime suspense, especially those revolving around serial killers. I love Deaver , Reichs , and Harris . I'm also into romance. Yes, literary smut. But I tend to stick to Paranormal Romance. If it has vampires, demons, witches, etc? I'm game. My favorites are Clamp & Adams , Showalter , and Kenyon . I got to meet Madame Kenyon at DragonCon this year. OMG I was a total fangirl. Turns out she digs strippers. YAY! http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif I'm also big into the Dresden Files and the Rachel Morgan series . Oh! And the Nightside series. Beyond that I collect a lot of non fiction. Biographies on stars I adore, places, events, art/art history, and the occult. I have a MASSIVE ton of occult PDFs, alas... not the books. YET. here are some recent finds at the library. Yay for $1 books! Maybe I will post more book pics/info in other posts.

Fuck yer gold rings. I'll take a brass pole over the gold rings any day! Back by popular demand, a parody I came up with some years back. I won't write out the WHOLE DAMN SONG, so you just get the list. Feel free to show it around, but please give me some props for the lyrics ;) The 12 Days of Stripmas is © Moi dammit. Don't make Me kick you. 12 strippers stripping (duh) 11 drunkards drinking 10 folded dollars 9 losers groping 8 bitches bitching 7 cheap asses staring 6 inch stilettos FIVE MORE SHOTS 4 purple bruises 3 stolen thongs 2 lines of coke and half my money goes to the bar!

Are ya'll ready for another product review? Today's review is for a dress from BodyKandi.com . They have a gorgeous, and user-friendly website, and good prices! I was quite excited to peruse their wares. I ended up choosing this dress , with plans to use it for one of My UV parties at Tootsy's. I wasn't 100% positive that the ribbons would react under black light, but I was willing to give it a shot, and the dress is simple enough that adding to it wouldn't be an issue. Here is what it looks like on the model: I emailed back and forth with Shannon, who was a total sweetie, and the dress arrived in good time. Perfect timing, actually, for the event! This was how the dress arrived in the mail, complete with a nice note from the company! Very nice of them to do so :D Here's the dress, fresh out of the packaging: It came laced up with the pink ribbons, and had the green ribbons separately packaged. It also came with a matching thong. The thong is small on Me, low in...

Time for some more delicious Q&A, bitches! Q1) What turns you on the most, during sex or even just during foreplay? A1) Oooh baby! Great question!! Let's see... Kissing, biting, or even breathing on My neck. Ending a passionate kiss by nibbling on My lip. Hair pulling for sure, but only from a naturally dominant male. Light kisses on My wrists, shoulders, and the small of My back. Licking My stomach, specifically between My navel and where the Landing Strip would be... if I didn't subscribe to Shaved Bald Weekly. Q2) If you put your music on randomly, what would the playlist look like? A2)I can show you! I took screen shots of a playlist today for ya'll. It's missing some country, Bhangra, and some ambient... but it's a decent representation of My tastes. Q3)How many women in porn enjoy receiving oral in personal life? A#) Well, I haven't the time nor resources to do a poll and ask every female porn star in the world but... I can take a guess, and base it on...

The internet has emboldened some serious asshats. Now, they have the Anonymity Backbone to email/post/IM/PM random women and ask the age old question... "Wanna fuck?" And the resounding "no!" that is generated by millions of women across the globe? I believe that energy is harnessed and used to keep the interwebs going. No, really. So this post us dedicated to all ya'll dudes that think it's clever to ask us chicks such a STUPID question. You wanna fuck? Ok lemme tell ya when that's gonna happen! We're gonna fuck: When My vagina detaches itself from My body, becoming sentient, and decides it has a thing for creepy random dudes. When I give up on the rational fear of STDs. Rational fear never matches My favorite shoes anyway. When My only other options for intercourse partners are the weird homeless dude that looks like Einstein , Dr Cox , and an ostrich (he really exists!) had a collision of reproductive DNA, and a wild pig. (welcome to Florida, fol...

Since some jerkoff on Facebook decided to report My amazing booteh pics, I'm forced to post them here, and here alone for the time being. So without further adieu... ass pics!

Today I found myself discussing romance twice. The first time, a coworker and I debated the current health status of romance. She says that it's dead. I say it's usually just comatose. Later on in the day, someone else gave Me the assignment to list some things that I think are romantic. So here we are. Gifting was an obvious topic. Don't get Me wrong, I like gifts. Giving and receiving. But there has to be some heart behind it. You can give Me flowers. Ok. You can give me flowers and have a deep love to go with it. Maybe give them on the anniversary of the day we met. Or in remembrance of the first time I said I loved you. Kudos on that idea! You could pick out the specific types of flowers that I love most. This shows that not only do the little details matter, but that you're willing to put effort into romantical stuff. I personally like to send cards. Sure, the romantical ones on birthdays and holidays... but also the Just Cause ones. But it's not really about t...

Time for the first post of Q & A! I've got 3 queries lined up and ready to go! Q1)How do you approach the subject of asking your significant other if you can explore different things on your own, ie SM, BDSM ect. Yes, being physical would be involved. The reason for wanting to go solo, is there are things that cant be done to the one you love, there needs to be no "attraction" or "feelings" just letting the primal urge take over. Not breaking up so you can go sleep around, and being safe when ever it is done, just letting the wild side come out and relieve the urge to go behind the back to get what you need. If you aren't already in an open relationship, this can be hard to do. I'd be honest about it, but I'd ease into the sexual "physical" aspect of it after you gauge their reaction to the BDSM stuff. You know your partner best. If you think, before even approaching them about any of this, that they aren't the type to be ok with an...

I love when it creeps closer and closer to the Hollerdays. Why? Cheap makeup and perfume at the various pharmacies! Yaaaaaaay! I recently found, homed in upon, and snagged Spoiled Brat by Wet N Wild . Perfect name, eh? Mmmmm eye shadows! I was drooling at the colors, and the glitter. I couldn't wait to try it out. This is what it looks like in it's palette: And here's the swatches. On the back of my hand are all 3 colors with no base. On the arm area are the same colors, over a base of lotion. The silver is, IMHO, too dark for a highlight shade, at least at the browline. I'm going to continue to use the pearly whites I prefer. The pink is delish, for sure... I've been using it like mad. And I've rocked the glittery black for a smokey look. It's not the most glitterific in the world, but it does sparkle. This pic shows the pink without a base:

Shopping when you're a stripper is an evolved animal. New qualities, new attitude. Suddenly you look at a bra or thong in new light. Not only do you judge look, comfort, and price, but now you also take into consideration if it will be for work and/or play, how easy it'll be to get off on stage, and if it suits/matches outfits already in your locker. You like that new shade of Healthy Stimulated Clitoris pink nail polish, but will it glow under the black lights? Will it chip off of your toe nails due to your 7 inch heeled Maryjanes? The perfume counter at TJ Nickels has a lovely variety, but which do you like AND will inspire a boner on random strangers? Hell even food shopping can be changed by becoming a stripper. "Oooh I love me some artichoke dip but I can only eat that on Wednesdays cause it's my day off and artichokes give me wicked gas!" We also can't exclude how the cashier at Burger World or Shirtopia look at us when we pay for our purchases (no matte...

I recently had the grand pleasure of ordering from Sin City Playwear . They have some seriously sexy lingerie , so how could I resist? I decided to go with the Stretch Velvet Kimono Mini Dress for Hallows. I've seen the outfit around on the interwebs and I've always liked the look of it. This is what the promo pic looks like: Now yes, My geeky inner voice shouted "NOT A KIMONO!!" but this should, in no way, reflect on Sin City. This title was given to the outfit by it's creators, not the companies that sell it. So My beloved costume/AZN aficionados, resume breathing now, k? Onward!! Whoever handles the orders and shipping at Sin City is/are champs. Serious champs. I hope they get lots of appreciative sex. Seriously. The outfit arrived so fast, I looked up from My office's mailbox to check for Superman. Holy speedy delivery! Major kudos there. I also had a great customer service experience via email. Alison sent numerous emails to Me, updating Me on status and ...

Today's strippery topic is Farting. Yes.... farting. Gas. Tooting. Letting it rip. Yes, strippers fart. Why am I bringing this to light? Because I recently received an email asking if it's hard to hold it all in until AFTER work. AAAAAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAAAA!!!! No, really. Hold it on? All shift? Not gonna happen. Hell, we aren't THAT mysterious and magical. Ok maybe we are but we fart at work. Trust me. Some girls might choose to let them out in the bathroom or dressing room.... But there will always be those who will use farts as weapons. Yep. Cheap, rude dipshits sitting at the stage? You might get gassed for being said cheap, rude dipshits. Or if a hated coworker is up on stage after a Fart-weilding lass, there might be some Crop Dusting done on stage right as the last song ends... But yes, Terry from North Texas... we fart (somewhere) at work.

Trust. Let's talk about it shall we? Trust in titty bars? Well yes, but this is specific. This is about trust between a stripper and their Significant Other(s). A major work hazard of stripping is rocky relationships. The industry breeds insecurity, burn out, crankiness, and lack of trust. It sucks! But today we're gonna focus on the trust part. I've often heard tales of woe from my Strippery Sisters. Tales of their Other Halves being suddenly grumpy about the whole stripping thing. Demanding retirement even!! WTF?? Um... no. Be it a lover they've met while already stripping, or be it someone they were already involved with when they got into the biz... there has to be trust! It's just a job dagnabbit! If you trust your woman, there is no reason to want her out of the strip club. Yes, she will be in various states of undress. Yes, dudes will see that. But it's just nudity. Be proud that YOUR woman is smokin hot and desirable! Roll around in that pride!...

Ahhh Huey Lewis, how I adore thee... Sometimes it makes Me quite sad to see the State Of Things in the stripping world. I miss the better money flow of My early years, even the flow I merely observed, as a Non Dancing Employee, in the clubs during the 90s. A biggy that I would see that proves My point? Back in The Day, a girl could (and would) make enough off of the more commonplace Big Spender and then hand him off to another girl who hadn't made her $$ yet that night. Yep. It used to happen. Who really  sees this much anymore? Too much Cold Shoulder, cutthroats, the shite economy, etc... I miss classier herds of dancers too. Not so much the whole Gown Club thing as the way ladies held themselves... presented themselves. On and off stage. Meh. Call Me a sentimental old fool. Tis all good. But I'd kill for a time machine. Despite all of the Wacky Hijinx I could get into in other eras, I'd still pop by the 80s or 90s to get My stripper on like they used to.

So this sad looking chick got onto the bus today and started just losing her shit. Either she was a super newb stripper, a tweaker stripper, or just a classless stripper. Maybe it was a case of D) all of the above... She got up on the bus and started declaring to all, "DON'T YOU MOTHERFUCKERS LOOK AT ME! I'M A STRIPPER MOTHERFUCKERS!! YOU MOTHERFUCKERS GOTTA PAY TO LOOK AT ME!!!" As a friend once said, "oh honey noooooo." I laughed loudly when she got the boot off of the bus. Bitch only lasted one stop.... Man I miss there being more classy, clued in strippers....

Time to do the first review of a "strippish" song. Strippish? Yes. These are songs that mention strippers, stripping, and/or strip clubs in at least a few lines. I've heard tons of them, and a lot of them really are giving out the wrong messages! So, let's begin. Artist(s): Lil Jon & The Eastside Boyz (feat. Pleasure P & Shawty Putt) Song: Like A Stripper Lemme see you go round an round Lemme see you go round an round Lemme see you go round an round Lemme see you go round an round Stilettos, she in the middle of the floor Need a medal for all the junk up in her trunk Shawty dance like stripper She dance like a stripper She dance like a stripper When she dips in your patron Get to the party (party) like she workin on the floor Shawty got it (got it) when she drop it outta control Shawty dance like a stripper She dance like a stripper She dance like a stripper When she pop that catalog Shake it off (shake it off) Shake it down (shake it down) Don't stop (don...

Twitter can lead to odd things, such as this post, which is dedicated to combining the wild world of Pokemon with stripping. Yes. You read that right. LAWL. So.... here's what weirdness insomnia + booze + Twitter + 100 hours of Pokemon Leaf Green can do: If customers were Pokemanz, here's what we'd deal with: Camerupt (the customer we all fear. Get him hot and bothered and he... erupts. Ew.) Combusken (the hot head that is quick to ignite and brawl) Exploud (the big mouth. Always has to talk shit and talk shit loudly) Gastly (total creeper) Grimer (dude needs a shower! AKA not everyone should come to the titty bar directly from work) Kakuna (ew, Harden.) Koffing (you know this guy, with his fatal throat cancer AND the 8lb cigar) Lickitung (the ever popular licker.) Marowak (so boneheaded and thick. Stubborn as hell) Tangela (getting away from his tangle of grabby arms is impossible) What if strippers were Pokemanz? I haven't ma...

Could it be? The finale for the 365 Project? YES! We made it! Everyone should read really good stuff. These are like textbooks, IMHO. Welcome to Tootsy's! Hur hur, the stripper isle at Walmart? Best nappin place ever? A bit of Azn style! Holy fuck where'd the hairs go? Yep, chopped it all off, for the first time in TWENTY years. Giving My poor hairs a fresh start. Om nom nom cherries. RIP Jani Lane . Check dem lil hairs! Keepin the red around a while I think. And there you have it! A year of images, free of charge, not so free of fun.