Your Neighborhood Professional Deviant

Shitty quality phone camera is shitty.... Despite health issues and it being a Last Minute Coverage night, things weren't so bad at Tootsy's tonight. I was Door Wench Extraordinaire again, and it was gleeful at some points! Some groovy folks kept Me company. Some fun chicks made Me smile. Wife #1 worked, which is always good! Little Sister worked too. Cameltoe Salad FTW! Tips didn't suck. It wasn't enough to get the rest of My ink done on Friday, but it will work well towards bills. Ew, bills. My new makeup loves are NYC's Cheek Glow in Riverside Rose for My eyeshadow, and NYC'sLippin Large plumping gloss in Plum Tart. My sexymeter almost crashed.

Cleavage to taunt, yummy tips from last week, and an Oldie But Goodie from 2 years back....

Alas, by Full Moon I mean that lovely object in the night sky... So a guy came in today, and put a dollar in my tip bucket and said "here, this will help you get that tattoo removed!" ... My response was "Well at least it will cost me less than the procedure you're gonna need to save up for to get a bigger dick." Really... WTF was the point of insulting the woman who is going to LET YOU INTO THE TITTY BAR? Maybe his fetish is cockblocking himself before he even gets into the room with the women he has no chance with. Who knows! But that was just part of the Full Moon Madness that struck us at Tootsy's Cabaret this fine night. 99.99999999999% of the dancers tonight were INSANE. Drunks, lunatics, obsessives, floozies, and morons. I had one girl ask me, FOR FIVE MINUTES STRAIGHT, if she had REALLY paid her house fee. She had. 20 minutes earlier. It would have all been more tolerable if the tips hadn't sucked like Hoover's hooker neice outside of a bowli...

I get a lil pink.

You know you've had a Good Drunk when, the following day, you're trying to figure out a) how a thong got into your purse, and b) who it belongs to.

Tis another crazy night at Tootsy's Cabaret!

I'd love to do a bikini shoot using a Gulmohar tree as a backdrop, but I think I'd have to go south and hunt for some. But it'd be delicious!

I snagged the Devil and Angel pins from Jennie ala Devil's Panties this past weekend, and thought it would be fun to wear them whilst I was Door Wenching. I got many compliments! A few people even suggested I get them inked on my shoulders LOL. Maybe!

Every year, I haul ass out to Orlando for MegaCon . I unleash My inner Geek. I shop till I drop, I become a squealing fangirl, and I support My artistically talented pals. This year was no exception. My yearly tradition is to have My super awesome pals, Jennie, and Nigel, sign My boobs. I also greet said Jennie with a vigorous shaking of the boobs in question. This year they had to share one boob, since the other is newly inked. Oops! But they managed rather well. If you don't know who they are, Jennie has a delightful webcomic called The Devil's Panties , and Nigel is a badass pirate with some amazing art . I also got to see another great guy I know, Tommy, who is also an amazing artist . He was busy every time I passed by, so I didn't get to pester him this year. :( One major highlight of the con was meeting and posing with John DeLancie, Brent Spiner, and Levar Burton, as you can see by the photo in this post. They were SO amazing. I've always loved those guys. Best ...

Behold, the North American Nudie Bar Door Wench. Door Wenching is serious business! See how serious I am about it? Even before I leave for the job? See how seriously bad I needed to bleach My roots? Yup.

"Big Boobs = Fat. Okay? Skinny women cannot have big boobs unless they're implants or whatever. Point being; Large breasted women aren't usually popular, as they are usually overweight, take myself for example." Oh dear, sweet, crispy, Christ.

I've added some glittery goodness to My wishlist on Amazon. It's on the New Wish List . Don't forget to browse the Old One too!

Megacon was epic, as always. More so this year, in some ways, IMHO. Details to come when I have some spare time!

Today, at the Less Glamorous Job, I met the King Of All Mouthbreathers. Literally. You could hear his wet breathing sounds from anyplace in the store. It was scary. Seriously... he was like Darth Vader. I think he'd be a fun client. Endless material for humiliation and taunting.

"Sporting a Muffin Top is one thing, but sporting an entire tray of muffins is... unfortunate."

I had recently stumbled upon an ad for this spa . I was drooling. But then I found they had a perfect package for Wife #1 and I... A Day At The Creek For Two Couples Creekside Citrus and Cedar Massage Couples Classic Manicure Couples Classic Pedicure Lunch for Two Complimentary Champagne Sounds good to Me!

Time for some Strip Club Customer Fail. The first is surprisingly common. That's just all kinds of dissapointing. The latter? Pathetic. Seriously full of Fail. 1) Going to a strip club with no money. No cash, no plastic. Nothing. Nada. Zippo. Zilch. It's especially mind boggling when these dudes are going to an unfamiliar club. One that may have a cover charge and/or a drink minimum... which is really common practice . Really guys? Did you honestly climb out from under a boulder 5 minutes prior to arriving at My place of work? Do you really think that strip clubs are the place to be if you are broketastic? 2) This one a fellow dancer, Alexis, told Me this past Monday... The DJ announced 2 for 1 shots. Alexis was sitting with a customer out on the floor. Alexis: "Hey, 2 for 1 shots! Wanna do a shot?" Customer: "Sure! You buy yours and I'll do the freebie!" Alexis: "Are you shitting me?!?!?!" I facepalm every time I think about this. What kind...

Once upon a time, a bit over a year ago, a fresh-faced, young lil stripper chick walked into our lives at Tootsy's. Lana was tiny, young, hyper, and expressive. I admit, I had a crush on the inked, silly, tiny Blasian girl who could work the pole like no one's business. She would climb up onto My lap, talk at Me about everything, and make Me smile. She would write Me poems. She would steal My gum. I'd get random lap dances and serenades. Unfortunately, as it can happen now and then, she got hung up with the Wrong Girls. The girls who feed the stereotypes of stripperdom. It started with doing drugs. Now, that isn't something I automatically frown upon, but it wasn't just a Here And There thing. The use got worse, then it went into selling, and then into dirty dancing, and eventually into hooking. It broke My heart to see someone with such promise and life turn into someone so faded and used up. And she was only 20 years old. Gone was the girl I got all twitterpated o...

I love the smell of new phone in the morning...

One of My guilty pleasures is Bollywood. Bollywood and Bhangra. So when I need to wake up and get in a good mood, I crank this station . Shakin' My booty around the apartment is a great way to get all psyched up for a night at the nudie bar.

In 4 hours ya'll can find Me at the front door of Tootsy's Cabaret, demanding to see IDs. I will be doing so in a way most pleasing to the eye, I promise. ;) I pray to the Nudie Gods that it will be a profitable evening.

Here's a Protip for ya'll: If you wanna grow up big and strong and sexy, you have to eat yer veggies!

"A real man will tell you that he loves you just to make you smile. A real customer will tell you that he loves you just to get out of having to tip you for a lap dance."

I recently received some amazing chocolates from France, including some Knock You Over, booze-filled delights. Oh em eff gee, did I ever nom them with a fierceness! It was the highlight of this year so far, that's for sure!

Clearly, I had forgotten completely how much it hurts The Day After Dancing. Especially when one has taken off a few hundred years. Can I blame being blawnd, despite it being bottled? Just this once? I swear, every inch of My body is sore. I am in dire need of the most epic massage ever. Hell even My hair hurts. Anyone know hair massage? I'm about to have a long, steamy date. With My bathtub and a bottle of Eucalyptus/Spearmint bubble bath . And I sure wouldn't argue with you if you sent Me more... I might end up needing it in bulk!

I have been battling insomnia and light sleeping since I was a wee little brat. Nothing new, but still... very unpleasant! Insomnia used to like to think of Me as it's BFF and that's not very groovy for Me. But the light sleeping still plagues Me. I can't sleep for more than half an hour at a time. Argh! I wake up exhausted even if I sleep for 12 hours! So it's been a few years since I've had a huge rash of Cant Sleep For Plural Days, with maybe oh... 3 or 4 instances of it in the past 2 years. We aren't as BFF anymore, thankfully. Figures that, today, I have a nice dose of it. But today? Of course, today when I have to go do battle in The Less Glamorous Job, aka Retail Hell... So as I type this, as I get ready to go to said retail job that I SOOO adore... I'm at 27.5ish hours with no sleep. Yep, since BEFORE I danced all night last night at Tootsy's. Cute, right? No, no not really. Cute like a stomach pump, as Daffy Duck once said.  No, I will...

I want 2 logos for My site. One with a cartoony or vector likeness of myself, the other just a very fancy P. The P would be great for "signing" photos, shirts, etc... I'm pondering the following fonts. Opinions? http://www.fontspace.com/aldus/roya l http://www.fontspace.com/shrine-of-i sis/kingdom-come http://www.fontspace.com/zamolxis/zamol xisornament http://www.fontspace.com/the-black-b ox/seven-waves-sighs-salome http://www.dafont.com/ruritania.fon t

Tonight I danced for the first time since about June. I was so nervous! It was like being Newbie Stripper all over again LOL. I was only slightly wobbly on stage, I swear! I got lots of compliments on my Playboy bikini and gartered panties! Yay! My Tootsy's gals kept Me sane LOL. Money wasn't spectacular, but such is life on a Wednesday. Plus it's still Bike Week so... I met a very nice gentleman from up north. We had fun chatting and dancing. Wife #1 and I had a mini Inner Room 2 reunion with some former coworkers. THAT was way cool. And I got to hang with The Jay. This is always A++ I hope I can get some more spare time to dance soon. I missed it a lot!

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