My Walks Award Winning
Welcome to a new thing I wanna try to do around here. Dust off this blog a bit. Every Thursday I would like to do a round of Oh Honey No. Toss some outfits your way, outfits that I personally don't appreciate, and drag the shit out of them. I wanna be like Raja and Raven... except less fabulous looking and there will be no tooting, only booting.
You may not agree with My opinions on the outfits I post. That's ok. You're all allowed to feel however you feel about them. But this is My house, and how I feel here is what goes. If you disagree so passionately, I invite you to set up your own version of Oh Honey No on your own platform.
That all being said, let's do our very first round of Oh Honey No. This inaugural week? The 2020 Grammys!
Alessandra Ambrosio: Ok after I Googled to see who the fuck she is, I tried to understand the outfit she had on. Is one half a long sleeved jumpsuit with a parachute pant leg? Because if it is, it makes me frown in ways that hurt my face. I'm not sure what the plan was here but I think it went something like "Ok I want to be warm but I need to become relevant around here so let's just keep half of me warm and let the other half do the talking."
Ariana Grande: I like a nice Tulle princess dress just as much as the next hopeless romantic, but the poor dress got interrupted by those Gods awful ridges on several occasions and it just hurts my feelings. Now it looks like a class of pre-schoolers attacked a Quinceañera dress with several hundred tissue paper flowers that they made themselves. Remember making those when you were like... 3 or 4? The flower was the size of a hubcap but dammit you put your everything into it and Mommy and Daddy did their best to pretend it was something that deserved to hang in the Louvre.
Ariana Grande again: I guess at some point there was an outfit change? Into a yoga tank top and... I'm not sure what's going on there. Someone in wardrobe ran home, grabbed their fitted sheet and some staples and et voilà! I'm not sure if the seams on that tank top are to blame for her boobs looking odd but damn girl. It also just kinda bothers me that the tank top is one shade of gray, the fabric vomit of a skirt is another shade of gray. The gloves are yet another shade of gray. Girl, that's only 3 shades of gray, you need 47 more to be considered kinky by the Trashy Novel fandom.
Billy Porter: Lawd am I gonna get dragged for this but.. Look, I love that he pushes boundaries and does whatever the fuck he wants. I'm all for taking gender boundaries and nuking them from orbit but... the crotchal area of this outfit is ill-fitting, and so are the pant legs. Are there boots under there? Because at about the 2nd and 3rd row of fringe, it gets chunky and strangely shaped, as if someone tried to fit a boot under pant legs that were not having it. At all. But um. Well the hat trick was entertaining for a minute. I'll give him that.
Chrissy Teigen & John Legend: No. First off she's got this tangerine modern art top thing going on that fits in a way that makes her low cut cleavage look crooked. Legit one titty looks higher than the other. Not a nice thing to do to your breasticles. Please stop. Then there's John, who couldn't decide between a suit jacket and a kilt so he went with both and it looks awful. Everyone knows if you're going kilt in any sort of way, you DON'T wear pants under it. Especially with those clown shoes.
Dua Lipa: The Spice Girls era 2 piece isn't terrible, but it sure is boring as fuck. What hurts my feelings is the hair. The hair is horrible and whoever did that to her is not a nice person.
Gwen Stefani: Wait... THAT is Gwen Stefani? Why does she look like a 21 year old Euro Techno artist? Where's the bright red lips with the giant teeth? Well, whoever it is, why is she wearing some birthday cake off of one of those reality shows where 16 year old spoiled brats lose their absolute shit because the Lamborghini that their mommy and daddy got them had the wrong color seal skin interior?
Ricky Rebel: Who? Ok look, we already have a Lady Gaga so cut that out, because we all stan originality and that isn't even a good knock off Gaga. That's Dollar Store Gaga. Oh, and the MoMA would like that lacy... parasol... sleeping bag... installment back please.
Shawn Mendes: I know he's like 12 or some shit, but couldn't his mom have taught him how to pick out pants that fit right. Highwaters never did anyone any favors. It's certainly not ok if you're going to cosplay as Doctor Who.
Usher: If Mister Rogers and Elton John designed a cardigan, there it is. And I am deeply upset by the fact that homeboy has NO SOCKS ON. STOP THAT RIGHT MEOW.
Comments
Post a Comment