Every now and then, some cheeky dude, usually (but not always) in their teens or early 20s, thinks its a compliment to call me a MILF.
Er... What? No. Just no.
And the brain breaking doesn't stop there. I'm seeing a lot of MILF porn that casted girls who were born either while I was in high school, or after I graduated.
Stop. Please. For the love of fuck...
There are 2 reasons why this is destroying my brain cells.
1) I am not a mother. Since I've never carried a child to term, adopted, and no one considers cats to be children in this context, there is no M in this. I leave you with just the ILF. So calling me a MILF only makes sense to you. It will not score you any sort of brownie points with me. I promise.
2) If I did have offspring, I do not consider myself old enough to be a MILF*. And when I see these perky, youthful gals in MILF porn? Argh!
I'm some rare freak, I guess, because my mind defines MILF differently than what I'm seeing pitched as MILFs in porn these days.
In my mind, it was always you're a kid. You have a friend. That friend is you age, or near to so. That friend has a mom. That friend's mom is hot.
Now, I don't really like thinking about like... 10 year olds thinking about sex, so when all of this is playing out in my mind, that "kid" is actually a teenager so... Yeah.
This is why my brain doesn't process 20 year olds with toddlers as MILFs. My brain processes 40 year olds with post-pubescent kids as MILFs
Back in 2008, Law & Order: SVU had an episode called Babes. In this episode, some high school girls are having babies. Plot and outcome aside, one quote almost caused my brain to explode, which would have gotten glitter all over the living room ceiling. One of the teen girls said "It rocks, huh? We're totally going to be the hottest MILFs on the block." There are a lot of times when I want to reach into the TV screen and strangle the character. In this case, I wanted to strangle whoever wrote the script.
Go ahead, call me weird. Call me old fashioned. Just don't call me a MILF.
* - I have 2 years 5 months and 25 days until I reach what I consider MILF age. That's 909 days. Keep count if you like, but I've been trying to become a mother for a long time, and medically the odds are not in my favor...