Appetite Running Fast Following My Gut

Ok I really wish a doctor could tell Me why I have the most fucky random cravings but without the pregnancy (I KNOW that I'm a medical circus but I'd love some... yanno... research?). I spent a good portion of My adulthood sad about not being able to have kids before I was given a medical reason for why I cant. But I never found out why My body just lobs food needs at Me like a drunken psycho. It's not a medical emergency. It's not really a medical probelm. It's just annoying.

 

Like 4am rolls around and sudenly I want:

 

Chicken wings but only the kind from a Chinese buffet

 

 

Disco Fries! No squeaky, chew toy poutine. DISCO FRIES.

 

 

A triple order of hash browns from Waffle House. Each order needs to be smothered, covered, chunked, diced, and capped.

 

For those who are new to the gloriousness of Waffle House Hashbrowns, let me break down the terminology:

 

Smothered: Onions
Covered: Cheese
Chunked: Ham
Diced: Tomatoes
Capped: Mushrooms

 

 

Plus I'll also want Taco Bell tacos but they hafta be fresco

 

 

Lets also throw in some sushi

 

 

AND I'll really want ice cream but not just any ice cream. It'll be Box of Chocolates ice cream from Stewarts but I havent seen a Stewarts since like... 1999. Does that ice cream even still exist? Does Stewarts still exist?

 

 

Well Stewarts is still around. That's good to know. It seems to have spread around New York fairly aggresivly. But My ice cream? Nope. RIP Box of Chocolates. I can't believe it's all gone. A legend. A true GOAT.

 

Yeah, that is kinda what My body will do.

 

Pregnant? Nope. Not unless I am gonna carry the next Christ.

 

Maybe this is just the Gods going "Haha you always wanted kids but your body can't physically have them so let's just give you the weird cravings on their own!

 

Oh and now you can have the belly too! HA HA neeeener!"

 

So there you have it, a random example of what My body will throw at Me from time to time. It would never let Me have kids, but sure, here have outrageous, powerful cravings for food. I'm glad I never got the weird combos like... pickles on ice cream or sushi on pasta or whatever, but there have been some times where the truly painful need for VERY specific combinations of food just hit like a truck. Not a fan. Not gonna give them a good review on Amazon. 0 out of 10. No stars. Frowny face. Whatever you wanna use for this. As much as I love those foods, to force Me to NEED them all at once is no beuno. So, can we not? Thanks!

 

Before I turned 30 I had the high metabolism of nightmares. Sure, I was 100lbs soaking wet, and could pack away ALL THAT FOOD, but I was constantly hungry and it was painful. But now? Now I crave all that same food but can't put it all away. Now I just WANT and WANT and NEED it but if I dared to try to eat all that My body yearns for all I'd end up with is puke fest 2020. So My body is trolling me in 2 different ways. Gee, that's awfully nice. So what I end up having to do is find something on the list to eat, ignore the rest, or just eat whatever I have available, and try to ignore My craving. It's actually a miserable time. It sounds like a First World Problem. It is. It is a total First World Problem. But it's hard to explain how it can actually manifest into a horrible hunger and a downright bitch of a cranky day.

 

(Today's title lyrics are from the song Taste You by Melissa Auf der Maur. I first heard this song on the original Charmed soundtrack and fell in love. It's sexy and primal and very wolfy/vampy. Yum!)