Posts

Showing posts from 2012

Kitty on my foot and I wanna touch it

Image
Plans for another costume. Porn Star Cat Girl.

Maybe I think too much...

Image
When I saw these, first I had flashbacks of bearskin rugs and their fake teeth and tongues. Then my brain went to Nerdland. If the centre of the platform is hollowed out like that, wouldn't they be less likely to hold Me up? Would the mouth snap? Hmmm.

I'll kick you out of my home if you don't cut that hair

Image
Up until this week I've been fairly sure about My hair goals. Grow, baby grow! Suddenly, I'm not so sure anymore. Egads! To sum up the Hair Length Story for any newbies out there: Hair to My waist until age 13. Cut it all off super short, in a Single White Female sort of way. Kept it short throughout high school and some college. Let it grow back out from 1997 to 2010. It ranged from mid-back length to waist length. After much torture and abuse using bleach, cut My hair back to the Super Short look in 2011. And now I have this chin-length thing going on… I’ve been swearing up and down, since I had it snipped all off last year, that I was growing it back long. That I didn’t miss the Super Short thing that I rocked as a teen. But now I’m not so sure. It’d be easier to color. It’d be easy to maintain. It makes wearing wigs a lot easier, and I can always stock up on lots and lots of said wigs, for whenever I get the urge to have long hair. Here are some

I can't get you out of my head God knows I've tried

Image
Welcome to the Go Ahead And Laugh At Me edition of Songs Currently Stuck In My Head. Usually it annoys the fuck out of Me* when people’s initial and/or only response is “that song sucks!”. Insulting Me with your opinion is kinda stab-worthy IMHO. But this time you may giggle, snicker, or lawl at Me, but try not to be rude about it, ok kids? Don’t make Me turn this blog around and go home. Thanks to a good friend’s kids, the following two songs have been Crazy Glued to My gray matter for weeks: Yeah yeah, I know this drops Me into the Lame Teenage Girl category, but I think it’s got a fun beat and the lyrics are adorable. If dudes were that sweet more often, I’d probably be (slightly) less gay**. Whaaaaaaat? The beat is catchy! I can’t scrape it out of My head! I’ve tried! I even used one of those Scrape Ice Off Yer Windshield scraper thingies. That shit just hurt real bad and screwed up My sense of smell for a week. And thanks to a store I frequent, this song has been squatting in My b

I know you're tired of the things they say

This bit of textual verbosity isn’t really part of any of the usual themes you find here on My blog. Though, I’m sure that, while being your usual deviant selves, you might come across such situations. There are so many annoying sounds out there in the world, and an infinite number of reactions to them. Some people cringe. Some people plug their ears. Some even claw their eyes out. (For the latter, a nice Hug Myself jacket and Thorazine will usually take care of the sounds.) But there are some voices out there that are so horrifying and frightening that there is only one thing a person can do to deal with it properly. Your butthole clenches up, with the might of 350 ton octopi tying a grocery bag into a knot. And they sound as your sphincter prepares for incoming assault is not unlike the vacuum-lock sounds used in sci-fi movies for air-lock doors on spaceships. Some people’s voices are so very, very, bad, that My tightening butthole will sometimes be tightened up in a Grip Of Death t

Workin' at the car wash yeah

So I was heading to Tootsy's to work this past weekend, and there was a lot of condensation on the back windshield of My car. I rummaged through said car, looking for a paper towel or something that would help remove the water, but all I had was My bag of work clothes. So I yanked out a pair of Jenni boy shorts that I rarely wear but always take, and wiped the windshield down. Best chamois ever. Neon pink with neon yellow lace. I'm sure My neighbors were more confused than they usually are. I think I'm gonna market shammies in fun colors now. Teeheehee.

I get by with a little help from my friends

Don't talk with your mouth open

Before I get into this story of WTFery, I want to make it VERY clear that I do NOT in any way dislike people who have weight issues of any kind. I’ve had weight problems, I’ve dated chicks who the "norm" consider to have weight problems. NOW! Onto the fun… I was waiting in line at, of all places, Nature’s Table, for My chow. The very obese lady ahead of Me suddenly, and quite loudly exclaimed; “Ew this is fucking disgusting. It’s more disgusting than being gay!” My head snapped around and My brows shot for the ceiling at such speeds that there were actual sound effects heard by all. This behemoth cunt looks at Me and snears, “What? You got a fuckin problem? What are ya? Queer?” Adding in a lil dot dot dot for dramatic pause: … Soooooooooooooooooooooooo…….. I couldn’t get My brows any further up into My hairline, as just hiding up in My bangs wasn’t good enough for them. “Yes I am queer, actually. Please allow Me to clarify something here, for I do not wish to misconstrue. If

just make sure you smellin right

Between common sense, pride, and a bit of OCD, I always have some sort of perfume or body spray on. And that’s after I’m scrubbed clean Like A Boss. Hygiene is awesome. Whenever a customer at the bar compliments My scent, I always thank him and reply with “Cause no one likes a stinky stripper!” Duh. It can’t get more Truth than that. Well, ok maybe there is a guy out there with a Stinky Stripper Fetish. But, for the most part, customers appreciate a lack of stank on their adult entertainers. Guys... Dudes... Fellas... Homies... We strippers like a lack of stank on our customers, too. Quid Pro Quo up in this bitch. Ok? For those lacking any sense of Commonly Used Latin, it means This For That. As in, we bathe, so you should too. I don’t know the Latin for “wash your ass” but whatever it is, I want to burn it onto a 2 x 4 and beat some stanky dudes with it. Seriously. Nothing makes a lapdance harder to do than trying not to pass out from your foul odor. We have to be all cute, be all gr

Dressed like a slob, keeps his hair braided

Some establishments have dress codes. Some are just the choice of the owners, some are common sense. Like you don’t wear a ball gown to work at Arby’s. Like you don’t wear a bikini to a 4 star restaurant. Like you don’t wear jeans to the gym. Speaking of the gym… hey guys? Can you wear your gym clothes to the gym, but not to the titty bar? I know sweats and jogging pants are comfy and shit like that, but seriously? I DON’T WANT TO FEEL YOUR PENIS ON MY THIGH. This blog post is for both types of Gym Clothes Customers. 1st we have the dude who honestly doesn’t know that it’s creepy, gross, and skeevy to get lapdances while wearing gym clothes. There’d be less friction if I stuck a whisk up My cooter. Seriously. Kitchen utensils violating My uterus would be 100 times better than feeling your erection through polyester. Write this shit down because there WILL be a pop quiz. PS: I can’t speak for every chick out there who doesn’t hate the dick, but I personally think that any dude that wea

When I come up in the club I'm talkin mad shit...

An instance where beating someone with the STFUGTFO stick is a reasonable reaction: When a guy's intro to wanting to buy a dance from you is “Yeeeaaaahhhh.... I married a stripper once. So you know I am SO all about rockin the pussy! Let's dance!” That's supposed to be encouraging, how? Oh, but it gets better... when you decline he tries to taunt you with “Well, I guess I'll just go spend this ten dollars elsewhere huh?” You do that, assbag. No one here cares that, once upon a time, a woman in the same line of work as us had to put up with you. Not our problem. Not our concern. If we did give a shit, we’d be spending an awful lot of our hard earned cash on condolence cards for all of these women we hear so much about. And why should it matter that your ex was a stripper? Does that magically enhance your manliness and prowess? Does that give you +7 Stud? Is it better than having married a bank teller or a chef? Is that an upgrade from, perhaps, the cashier at Burger King

Don't break my heart again like you did before

Image
Awwww yeah, it's time for another review! Today I have a <3 set from Charmed (they're a sister company of Maidenform ) that is so damned cute, and not just for Valentine's Day! I love the pattern, I love the lace. The bra pushes up just enough to be fun, and if I want to be a bit cheeky, I let the lace trim show above my shirt. The undies are super comfy, which is always a plus. Cute as hell and enjoyable to wear? Major thumbs up for this set.

I like the way it looks 'cause your booty so fat

Image

You've got all these great answers to all these great questions

Image
Q1) You sure are a busy lady! What do you do in your spare time? A1) I have spare time? LOL ok I admit, sometimes I do. And sometimes I have enough energy to do something other than sleep! So let’s see here, how about a list of Leisure Activities? I work on new art! When I have the supplies, I do things from make stained glass to bullet jewelry, I make collages, paint, sketch… but My major passion is PC-related. I design fractal art. I play video games. On the PC I have a lot of retro games and Pokemon games via emulators, I play on My 360… games like Castlevania, Soul Calibur, Bayonetta, Final Fantasy, Alan Wake… and I still have a PS2, a PS1, and an NES! I love retro games, horror, fighting, and RPG games. I read a lot. Mostly fantasy, crime suspense, and paranormal romance. I love a few series, such as the Lincoln Rhyme series by Jefferey Deaver, The Lords series by Gena Showalter, and the Dresden series by Jim Butler. I also love biographical and pictoral biographies about favorite

Check my panties and my bra

Image
As promised, a review on some CK underthings I'd recently acquired. No, Calvin Klein did NOT ask Me to review anything. I just want to. If anyone knows Me beyond just My face on the computer screen, you'd know I have super OCD. Oh yes. Yes I do. And one thing My OCD demands is matching clothes. Especially bra + panties. I am one cranky bitch if whats under My clothes doesn't match. Even if I'm not on stage or in front of a camera, for folks to actually SEE said underthings. So when I was able to snag this set? Holy balls was I happy! I can match 3 times with 1 bra! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! Now, I don't usually buy from CK. At least not their undies. Never really heard much about them to want to shell out what they cost brand new. But then, a new friend of mine started raving about how amazing they are and how great they feel on... and these particular underthings were on sale. So... why not? Here are the 3 undies and the bra: Orange usually isn't My thing. I like Hoo

My cherie amour, pretty little one that I adore

Image
Who is reviewing another bit of make-uppy goodness? Me! Oh yes, yes I am. Because makeup is crack. CRACK! So let's get to the good stuff, shall we? Macy's & Lancome are having a Gift special right now . Buy something of a certain monetary value, get the gift. Pretty straight forward. I've been eyeballing their eyeshadows for a while now, and this was a great opportunity to get the one I wanted most, and get some groovy freebies! The shadow palette I went with is called Mauve Cherie . I love the colors, love the glitter, and they're perfect colors for My hazel eyes. Here's the palette with the gift, including the swank bag. I picked, for My gift, the Renergie Lift Volumetry creme , Genifique concentrate , Visionnaire corrector , Aquatique shadow primer in Nude , Juicy Tubes gloss in Moulin Rose , and Hypnose Doll Lashes in So Black! ... Squee. This is the Mauve Cherie palette. The taupe and the black have great glitter in them. Not too heavy on the glitter, but i